Emily to Gremily
A podcast about the stories that start out normal and spiral into something unforgettable. Hosted by Emily Hogan, Emily to Gremily blends humor, honesty, and a touch of chaos through solo episodes and guest features. Expect cocktails, unfiltered “gremlin" stories, pop culture hot takes, and internet obsessions.
Subscribe for new episodes every Tuesday, and follow along on Instagram and TikTok @EmilytoGremilyPod for episode updates, cocktail recipes, and behind-the-scenes extras.
Make sure to email us your insane gremlin stories to EMILYTOGREMILYPOD@GMAIL.COM and they will be featured on future episodes.
Emily to Gremily
Swipe Right for Red Flags: A Boozy Chat About Dating Hell
The landscape of modern dating can be treacherous to navigate, from swipe-based apps to identifying those subtle red flags that save you from disaster. In this candid conversation, we explore the realities of finding connection in a digital age where safety concerns meet the genuine desire for meaningful partnership.
Jackie shares her journey through dating apps, revealing why Bumble became her platform of choice and the crucial safety protocols everyone should follow when meeting strangers. We laugh about dating disasters, from the milk-toast sports agent to the man who ghosted mid-date after realizing they had zero compatibility. These stories highlight how important it is to know your non-negotiables and recognize when something feels off.
The conversation takes a deeper turn as we both open up about our experiences with toxic relationships. We explore the psychological grip that manipulative partners maintain through love bombing, isolation, and gaslighting. Most poignantly, we discuss that confusing state of knowing you should leave but feeling unable to, even when you'd immediately advise a friend in the same situation to run. Through therapy and self-reflection, we learned to recognize these patterns and finally prioritize our own peace and happiness.
What makes this episode especially powerful is the contrast between those painful experiences and the healthy relationships we've since found. There's a beautiful distinction between simply dating someone and consciously building a life together with mutual respect and understanding. After weathering toxic relationships, finding a partner who truly sees and values you feels nothing short of revolutionary.
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @EmilytoGremilyPod for episode cocktail recipes and teaser clips and don't forget to subscribe for more unfiltered conversations about life's messy, meaningful moments.
Make sure to write in your own "gremlin" stories to EMILYTOGREMILYPOD@GMAIL.COM to be featured in future episodes!
all right, welcome, jackie. You're here for episode. We're doing episode three oh lucky number three. This is two, this is three. If I knew my numbers, then we'd be off to a good start, and our drink for this episode is a spicy raspberry margarita and she's got an awkwardly long straw, because I didn't have straws, I was a little ill-prepared.
Speaker 2:Cheers, thank you and I don't do tequila but I actually like this drink.
Speaker 1:I'm already hot, but it's cool. I like the fruity with spicy yes, yeah, she had recommended doing watermelon and I was walking to the store and I didn't want to lug the watermelon home. Um, it was already a workout enough because it was sweltering that's fair. That's fair, that's fair raspberries raspberries, raspberries, jalapeno, cazadores, it's good.
Speaker 2:Beautiful.
Speaker 1:It's good, it's good. So how are you today? Thank you for coming on, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I'm really excited. I'm excited for you to be here. Yeah, how's everything going.
Speaker 1:What's life like?
Speaker 2:I mean, life is going. I have new projects in the works I'm not ready to talk about yet. Yes, let's, let's keep it under wraps for now. For now, um, but life has been going pretty well, you know. I am finally in a healthy relationship. We love that. We love that yes, you know so been with him six, seven months now it's going really well.
Speaker 1:Yes, you seem much happier. Not that you were, you know, seem miserable, but you seem. You have a different glow about you now. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it it has been. I mean, it's been a journey. Yes, because I was dating a bit before I found him.
Speaker 1:Right. You know, and I wasn't even really looking- I feel like that's when you you find your person is. You know you're not actively. Yeah, I wasn't looking.
Speaker 2:I wasn't looking for long term. I was honestly looking to fill my roster. That's all I was trying to do in the moment. A girl needs a roster, you know sometimes. But then you find that one player that makes you just clear the bench.
Speaker 1:There you go. And then you said it was right before Thanksgiving-ish.
Speaker 2:It was right before the holidays hit, so we met online, met on the apps, because meeting people in real life is hard, especially when you're always working. So it was really an interesting beginning, because we just started texting, had plans for a lunch date and we're chatting back and forth about fun things, and a day or two before the date I check in and he says he has to postpone because he's not feeling well.
Speaker 2:feeling sick, I get it. I think that's a valid reason. So a few days later I check in on him to see how he's feeling. And he basically tells me that he's sorry, he's depressed and he doesn't think that I deserve that. And it's just a little, it catches my attention yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I've dealt with depression, I get it and that's not the time to walk away from someone, right? So I press a little more like, hey, what's going on, do you need a friend to talk to? Because at that point I care as a person, not as a romantic interest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just to be there for someone, at least as a friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he opens up about how he just had a longtime friend die. Okay, and that immediately makes me go. I'm here Because I dealt with a lot of death in the couple weeks a couple weeks, a couple years before that Like traumatic deaths from close friends that were, you know, in their 30s, to like an elderly grandmother to my dog.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and that's a lot. So I was no stranger to grief, yeah. So I just started talking to him and, you know, helping him through it because there's no right way to deal with grief. And just in the process of us chatting back and forth about it, he felt better. He asked to reschedule our date and you know, that was when he realized there was something special about me and I only say this because he has said this to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're not doing your own part, you know he pointed out how special you are.
Speaker 2:So you're just reiterating the fact, yeah, and because I didn't walk away, yes, yeah most people would have just called it a day, because they don't know the person you know, and why would they want to deal with it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, some people wouldn't want to deal with it. Yeah, and I was ready to help. Yeah, you know, I knew how hard it was going through grief for me. So the fact that I didn't run away, you know, really caught his attention Right. And we go on our lunch date and it continues into like an evening walk and continues into hanging out at my place.
Speaker 2:It really ended up being like three dates in one and you know know he went home for a day and then after that we were pretty much inseparable. You know he works from home, so he's able to hang out at my place and work and in the process of officially moving in, even though he's practically lived there for the last five months I was was going to say has he moved in or is it just kind of like we're hanging out?
Speaker 2:No, he pretty much lives with me, okay, and he is in the process of getting rid of his apartment Nice.
Speaker 1:So it's yeah, we're in that in-between phase where he's got to get rid of his place and get all of his stuff to your place.
Speaker 2:But I mean we were so connected that him basically living there immediately was perfect for both of us, because there's so many things about him that are different than men I usually deal with.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That it was just a breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1:Aw, so I love that for you yeah he's pretty great. I've seen you in your past relationship and the ups and downs of that, not to give him too much attention, because he doesn't deserve it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll touch on that for sure. But yeah, I definitely see a change in, you know, your happiness. You seem like you got like an extra pep in your step and I think that's great.
Speaker 2:It's not just that it's a relationship, it's that we are consciously building life together. I love that and yeah, that's not something I've felt before, right you know, and it is special and it makes me feel like a grown up.
Speaker 1:Finally, You're growing up, annie is younger than me. Oh, how much younger. Six seven years. Okay, yeah, I mean, look, I'm in an age gap relationship. So I just like to be the younger one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's worked out really well, though that's great, you know and I think part of it is him being younger is that he has a respect for me that sometimes older men didn't, and I have a respect for him because I just respect people when they deserve it, you know. I'm not an asshole, that's not going to respect people for no reason deserve it. You know, I'm not an asshole that's not gonna respect people for no reason.
Speaker 1:So so it's nice to have that balance. Nice, you know, good. And then, so you said before. So this whole episode was basically I wanted to talk to her about like dating apps. Um, I just kind of have not needed them. Also, I'm afraid of them because I watch way too much true crime and I think I might get murdered because with my luck, I would go on that one the very first date and it would be a. She lit up the room kind of moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I definitely have that safety checklist, of course, and there's even been times where I was on a date and the guy mentioned that he has his safety list too.
Speaker 1:You know, he has his friends to make sure we love safety kings, you know so it's it should go both ways.
Speaker 2:We should always be watching our back, but unfortunately it is a situation that women have to be more careful.
Speaker 1:We are always on our toes, even like you know me, just like going to the grocery store, you know running an errand. I am always looking around thinking someone could possibly do the worst.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You never know.
Speaker 2:Aware of your surroundings.
Speaker 1:Always be aware of your surroundings.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean in addition to that when I walk down the street.
Speaker 1:I like to walk like the type of person that you don't want to get in a fight with right. Yeah, it's fun. You walk like with purpose, I walk, I walk like try me yeah, usually people won't walk up to you if you look like you're aware, but if you're buried in your phone not paying attention, you kind of become the easiest target.
Speaker 2:Really easy to see the phone Terrifying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so all right, dating in LA before you found your happiness and your glow.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What's that like? Oh, give us the scoop, gosh, because you said you went on apps and you weren't like a big fan of meeting people in person or like going to a bar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was never a big drinker, so going to a bar and meeting someone never really worked for me and I don't know. I feel like when you meet someone in person, it's really easy for them to show you who they want to show you, right, um, whereas once things are on paper and once you really start talking to the person, if you pay attention, you can feel that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There have definitely been times when you know texting someone to meet up and then they just say that one thing that makes me go I don't trust you anymore. Yeah, you know, and there's there's so many people out there that if I don't trust someone, there's no reason to continue on.
Speaker 1:Right, no reason to waste my time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like with how many people there are in the world like LA alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like you can go on a different date with a different person, like probably every night for months.
Speaker 2:Yeah, If you really, if you really if you really didn't like any of them enough to have a second date like there's a lot of them which is kind of what made it a little easier for me, because I realized going into these dates that I had no reason to be nervous when I was younger. Like going into dates I'd be so anxious, I'd be so nervous. I want to make sure I said the right thing, did the right thing, I didn't bother them. And then this time around I was like didn't bother him. And then this time around I was like I don't care, like if they like me, they're going to like me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if they don't, I don't care. Yeah, we don't need it, because there's a list of guys in my box waiting for their chance. Right, it's like if you're not the one or if you are not going to make it worth it, or if you are not going to make it worth it, step away. There's many in line behind you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So while I was kind of playing the field, that just made it easier because I wasn't as stressed or as worried about if they would go well Right Now, as far as safety, there was always someone who knew where I was, whether it was like my good friend V or, when she was out of town, my friend Caitlin. Like I would always say, hey, this is where I'm going to be, this is what time, and I would even send a screenshot of like the profile so that they knew his face.
Speaker 2:Yes, and then usually I would send them a message later saying okay, we're cool, right Like I felt him out, I feel safe, I know he's not going to do anything crazy.
Speaker 1:He's not going to Dexter me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because I've definitely had times where I'm like all right, you are not out. A couple like, really like, like irky stories. One guy I met with, it was a coffee date in the afternoon and I agreed to the date because he had an interesting job. He was like a sports agent, oh that is interesting, that's cool, that's cool, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:That's not an everyday person you run into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like I'd like to hear more about that. Yeah, and you're into sports? Yeah, yeah, I enjoy sports. Yes, I watch football. I am a fan, like sure.
Speaker 1:She loves the dolphins.
Speaker 2:We don't hold it against her. There might be a dolphin tattooed on me right here there. Um, yeah, so I'm like, all right, let's see. And he had the personality of milk toast have you ever heard that term?
Speaker 1:yes, toast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's bland, it's it's bland, there's nothing there, yeah, and like he barely mentioned his job, I asked to try to get a conversation going.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's the whole reason. I kind of gravitated towards you and he kind of just went away from it.
Speaker 2:He apparently had bad vision, which wasn't a problem, but I had kind of just made myself look all nice and there was.
Speaker 1:He never mentioned your effort.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing that made me go I'm, I'm done. He didn't like dogs, oh no, he was like I don't like dogs because sometimes I trip on them because I can't see, and I'm like what?
Speaker 1:kind of a? What kind of a reason is that to not like? What a weird state I've never heard that like, so I trip on them.
Speaker 2:I know toast. So we were getting coffee at the Grove and I was like you know what you know. I think it's time to head out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, thank you, I got to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 2:He like was walking me out, right Okay.
Speaker 1:And I'm like like either the restaurant or to your car, Like kind of to my car.
Speaker 2:Oh no, but I, I was like, I need to get a meal, I need to get a drink, so I wasn't even planning on leaving. So like I walked basically towards the bathroom, and I'm like all right, well, I'll see you later. Bye, so that he would leave. Yeah, because I literally walked back out, went straight to the nearest bar and called my friend like you need to hear about what just happened to me, oh my God and bought myself a drink and bought myself a meal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't like dogs because I trip on them. That's a new one. Yeah, like I can understand. Okay, if you have allergies, they're not your preference. But people who also say that they just don't like animals or pets immediate red flag for me.
Speaker 2:I'm like what? What else is wrong with you? Because that's not the only thing like why don't you, why don't you like animals? Who doesn't like animals? There's no good reason to not like animals, unless like viciously attacked.
Speaker 1:Trauma from a young age, exactly, yeah, you, I will respect.
Speaker 2:You've been attacked by a dog, so they're just not maybe your favorite but here's the thing when I was two, I was attacked by a dog.
Speaker 1:I still got a scar on my face from it.
Speaker 2:Okay, and that was when I was two, so also not really a good excuse.
Speaker 1:No, not really no.
Speaker 2:So, okay, what would you say? Hard to say, cause some of them I just let go, I just don't hold onto it, right? But what's funny is that you know, sometimes, sometimes I don't like them and sometimes they don't like me or they know it's not going to work.
Speaker 2:There was this one guy, let's, let's call him John, him john, okay, because honestly, I don't remember his name it doesn't really matter yeah, um, we were planning on meeting up at like a bj's or yard house and we had a time set and then he had to. He kept pushing it like he was like I'm running like keep pushing it, keep pushing it, keep pushing it, and it got to the point where I'm like, okay, I don't know if he's gonna make it or not, and I'm hungry. So I'm going to the restaurant, yeah, and I get there. I even tell the host as I walk in. I'm like, hey, I'm meeting someone here for a date, can you? And he's being kind of weird, can you?
Speaker 2:just can you all keep an eye yeah and and he was like oh, we got you, and so they put me in a booth, like in a good spot near the kitchen, right. And you know, I told the server what was going on too. I'm like he's late, he's kind of acting weird. He had said he had said something weird because I had asked do you want me to get a spot at the bar or a table? And he I remember this because it was weird he said a table because I want you all to myself what yeah, yeah, and it's one of those he could have just said a booth, please, exactly, and I was like, okay, that's a little.
Speaker 2:So that was like immediate, like there's a flag up. You know, pay attention to the situation which is also why I was like hey, watch my back yeah, please look out, so he's taking forever. I'm hungry. I order an app. While I wait, he finally shows up.
Speaker 1:How late was he at this point?
Speaker 2:well, from the last time that he said he would be there probably like 30, 45 minutes.
Speaker 1:Oh, hell, you know I'm a late person, but I would never be 30, 40 minutes from the last time I spoke to you, to a date like oh my god. So I'm assuming he's like two hours in.
Speaker 2:From, like I think we were originally going to meet at four and then it ended up being like six. Oh, gosh and he showed up like 6.30 type thing Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, so I have my drink and I have my app because I'm not going to wait. Yeah, because at this point, I'm like, whatever happens, I still need to eat, exactly. And so he finally shows up and we're talking and nothing is meshing. Okay, I'm an artsy person, yeah, and that's something that kind of drives me, and I'm into people that are creative. Yeah, and his entire personality was traveling. Okay, which you travel?
Speaker 1:yeah, cool.
Speaker 2:I mean I would like to travel one day you know, but the only thing he had to talk about was traveling here, traveling there. Traveling here, traveling there.
Speaker 1:Places he's already been.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I haven't been to any of these places so I have nothing to contribute. You're just listening to him speak, you know and I'm saying how I'm into creative people, he's saying how he likes to travel. I'm already like, well, this isn't going to work. A server comes up and I'm like, are you going to order anything? And he doesn't get anything Like a glass of water.
Speaker 1:Not even like a, not even a drink, a snack, nothing, and nothing, and so I'm like, screw it, I order myself a meal. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he's like hey, and he's like hey, or he asks the server where's the bathroom?
Speaker 1:Okay, points over to the bathroom.
Speaker 2:Goes to leave to the bathroom and I'm sitting there at the booth going.
Speaker 1:I really hope he doesn't come back.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I really like that would kind of be nice if he just doesn't come back. Yeah, he didn't come back. Oh no, he went to the bathroom and then bailed it yeah, and part of me was like, oh damn, I couldn't even make him buy my meal.
Speaker 1:And then part of me was like, thank god, I get to enjoy my meal in peace oh my god, he bailed so like in a way, I might be his nightmare story.
Speaker 2:I mean, but you didn't do anything wrong, but I didn't do anything wrong.
Speaker 1:You just sat there and waited for him. There's nothing wrong.
Speaker 2:You waited, you were kind and then ordered food. Yeah, because I wanted to eat.
Speaker 1:You were hungry and it was two hours later and we were at a restaurant. Yeah, for that he should have just done like a coffee date. For that he should have just done like a coffee date. It was a wild. What would you say is like your perfect, like first date? Because I know some people prefer coffee dates because they're casual, they're quick, you can kind of get in, get out or extend it if you want.
Speaker 2:I don't think there is one okay, like I don't think there is a perfect, perfect first date scenario. It's the person Okay, like if it's the right person, it doesn't matter what the first date is. It can be coffee, it can be a meal, it can be smoking on the beach. You know, if it's the right person, it doesn't matter what that first date is. Right, you know we did a sushi lunch with for Dylan. That was our first date, and then it just kept going. And it just kept going.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because it felt right. I love that. Yeah, I don't think there is a perfect first date as long as you.
Speaker 1:What would be your nightmare first date? Let's go with that. Where's a place like? If a guy said like hey, you want to go here, that you'd be like absolutely fucking not.
Speaker 2:I hate it when guys were like let's go get a drink, and that was it Okay. If you want to buy me a drink, you need to buy me food too.
Speaker 1:I am not going to pound the shots.
Speaker 2:No, no, I am not here for you to just look at me as like an easy, cheap date, get me drunk. And that that as soon as someone was like yeah, let's get a drink. And if I was like well, can we get food too? Yeah, if they didn't adjust it to a place where there was food too, I was like no, we're good and it's mainly just because if that's where they want the first date to be, then they're the type of person that I would just meet in a bar.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, might as well just go to a bar by yourself.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:See what happens.
Speaker 2:Exactly so it was taking me out on a drink for me was kind of just not enough, because I'm not a heavy drinker. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was like give me more.
Speaker 2:Right, if I'm going to get dressed up, get cleaned, do my hair, do my makeup, do all that. It doesn't have to be five star right. It doesn't have to be like just a place with some food. Yeah, just a little bit of food, just an appetizer even if it's bar snacks, right you know, as long as it's stuff I can eat, we're good, yes, oh yeah, you have a gluten intolerance I'm annoying. I have a gluten allergy it is what it is, man, I mean what?
Speaker 1:whatever? It's not like you're.
Speaker 2:You're not just gluten-free by choice, it's gluten-free by necessity, yeah I'm gluten-free because I don't want to throw up on you there we go.
Speaker 1:I think that is reasonable and if you know, maybe that someone's kink is just not your kink not my kink man. No, no, not your kink at all. All right, what about like meeting someone? Okay, like, have you ever met someone in person, as opposed to like the dating apps, like where that went well, or are you more of an app person because you want to see it? I mean, we know you prefer the apps, but, like, if you were to go meet someone in person, like how would that go?
Speaker 2:I mean in the past. In the past, yeah, in the past I have met people in person. I feel like a lot of times it would be friend to friend.
Speaker 1:It's like known like through someone.
Speaker 2:Or coworkers, like that definitely happens, even if you don't want it to sometimes, if you don't put up that wall. So, if anything, it's people that I'm kind of forced to be around.
Speaker 1:I'm forced to be around you, so I might as well just date you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm forced to be around you and'm forced to be around you, so I might as well just date you. Yeah, I'm forced to be around you, and now. I kind of like you, so okay.
Speaker 1:And you work in the service restaurant industry and I feel like that's a pretty big… Hospitality, yes.
Speaker 2:Everyone co-mingles yeah, they all date each other. Date each other. Date sleep. Yeah, Date each other.
Speaker 1:Date each other Date sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been pretty good with keeping a bit of a line there, right, mainly because I am trying to move up and you know, if you're a manager you can't be messing with your sport.
Speaker 1:So I've always kind of at least the last few years, been really good about keeping that line. But I mean, I remember you know, back in the day that was, that was your hot spot, it was your place of work, yeah, you would text me and be like okay, guess what?
Speaker 1:so I was talking to this guy and I'd be like, well, wait, what happened to the other guy? And you're like, oh, he's there too. But I'm talking to this new guy and I was like, oh okay, yeah, they, it was the auditions for the roster there we go, you, you know, yeah, sometimes you make it, sometimes you don't, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you're on it for a while and then you get replaced. Yeah, I mean that's just.
Speaker 1:You know, that's sports for you. What can? You do Okay. So what about? What would you say about like what are your red flags in dating and your green flag here? Let's start with let's do good first. What are your green flags If someone, if you're on a first date? What's a good green flag that you're looking for?
Speaker 2:I mean respect first you know, and how they speak about other people, or how they speak about women in general, or, if we're at a restaurant, how they treat the server.
Speaker 1:I was going to say that's a. I was waiting for that one tip yes I will absolutely judge someone on how they tip what have you ever been on a date where the tip is like absolute shit and then you're like, oh, absolutely, like fuck off. Or will you say it to them, or will you just slip the money and then just never talk to them again?
Speaker 1:well they already know that I work in the service industry a lot of times it doesn't matter and so I mean fair, it doesn't matter but they already have the warning, yeah you know, they know I'm in the that. You're aware of when that I should and shouldn't have you know as a server.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know being on the other end of that and I've even had conversations where I'm like, oh yeah, I always tip 20 yeah, and I mean that's like the baseline yeah and um, a person I was talking to at the time uh, was like oh, 15, I I will.
Speaker 2:If they're really good, I'll tip 20, but base 15, okay, which is okay. Like it's not my favorite, but it is okay. Okay, you at least do 15%. Always, as long as you're not like, yeah, I tip 5%. I have had times where I've looked at it and left more money behind. Right For sure, I've added to the tip, absolutely. But then yeah, if it is, it's an ick, it's an ick and it is a reason for them to not get a second date with me.
Speaker 2:Um, and maybe it's just a karma thing, because I believe in tipping karma For sure. And as someone and you rely on tips yeah, as someone who has been in the tipping industry for so long, like I think it's important to tip well, yeah, so I always do. Some people might look at my tips and be like that's unnecessary. So when people are really particular about that, it definitely makes me go.
Speaker 1:You said I am a little bit. Are your priorities in order?
Speaker 2:yeah, where is your heart? Yeah, so that's. That's definitely one of those icks that'll make me like think twice, for sure, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Any other green flags you got, I mean?
Speaker 2:there are green flags that I don't always expect but I'm grateful for like generosity. Yeah, you know, um, it's rare for someone to bring me a gift on a first date.
Speaker 1:Like are you talking about? Like flowers or chocolates and something like that?
Speaker 2:Maybe some type of flower. Okay, you know, maybe a flower I prefer over others.
Speaker 1:Want to say that out loud. That way, no Flowers, oh flowers. She's looking for weed guys. She's looking for Mary Jane to pop up on this date so I have had one person bring me as a gift is it the guy you're with, right it?
Speaker 2:is, of course it is that's how we got to your heart.
Speaker 1:It is and it was one of those things where I was like hey, this is so sweet, he understands me like like he didn't have to do that for sure, yeah, like, admittedly I wouldn't think to bring that on a first date for someone. I would think to get it for you for your birthday, right.
Speaker 2:But yeah, as a date yeah you know, and so it was just, it was one of those things that made me go wow, oh yeah okay, it gave him an extra little checkpoint yeah, just one book, just one extra, thing, just one more reason why I love them.
Speaker 1:All right, so then let's talk about I think people are more interested in red flags because it's more fun to talk the show than anything else. Yeah, um, what would be like a really big red flag for you? Um?
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 1:We already talked about someone not liking animals. That would be a red flag for me.
Speaker 2:If they're like heavy drinkers, that get blacked out. So I did go on a date with this guy where I was having like one drink and a snack and he had a couple drinks Okay, no food. No, not really.
Speaker 1:He's on his liquid diet.
Speaker 2:And then we went to another spot and I think he had a drink, I had a drink, another snack, and we're talking, like I do, on a date trying to get to know someone and he's like wow, I'm usually not this sober by this point in a date, like usually me and the girl I'm out with are wasted by now and we're just drunk, so he doesn't remember a lot of his dates.
Speaker 1:How does he follow up, fuck, if I know he doesn't. I guess that's why he keeps going through his dates.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was one of those where I was like those are the kind of dates you go on. I mean I guess that's his preference. I'm like those are the kind of dates you go on. Just I mean, if I guess that's his, I'm like are you just getting drunk and being a fuck boy?
Speaker 1:is he paying for your drinks?
Speaker 2:yeah, he was at least paying for the drinks, but it was interesting that's an interesting tactic for a first date yeah, and for me it was clear it was not a patch not yeah, that's not at all.
Speaker 1:Kismet right there. Yeah, so getting wasty on a drunk or on wasty? Waste was on the drunk I've had three sips guys wasted on a date. Yeah, it's not um. Yeah, I feel like that should be a red flag from most people, and that's the thing is.
Speaker 2:He didn't even get wasted on our date, he was just sloppy. No, he was just commenting on how he was surprised that we weren't drinking as much.
Speaker 1:Wow, do you think he was saying it to you so you'd be like all right shots, or you think he was just actually, well, genuinely surprised?
Speaker 2:so at first he was surprised. I know part of it was he was surprised um, because I think he usually dates a different type of girl. Yes, which is fair that became clear, and maybe it's just because I'm a little bit older that, I'm not that type of girl anymore.
Speaker 1:I think he was looking for a girl in his 20s who was just like let's go yeah. She's got that sorority frat boy mentality yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm past that. Sorry, yes, I don't drink tequila straight anymore. I'm past that.
Speaker 1:You used to, I used to.
Speaker 2:I used to be really good at it. Yes, no face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, stone cold yeah. But, I don't play like that no more. It loses its sparkle after a while. Yeah, it's not fun anymore. No, yeah, it's not fun anymore. No. And the hangovers?
Speaker 2:are longer and it's like I drink less and I still get a hangover now. So right? Yeah, there's no point in pounding them just to feel even worse, yeah yeah, so ending up with someone like that, not for me. No, yeah, that wouldn't have, that wouldn't have worked out not at all any um other red flags I mean, when you find out they're compulsive liars, that's always a big red. But I think that's more relationship.
Speaker 1:You know what about? Like first date, we have a lot of relationship red flags.
Speaker 2:I think, at the end of the day, my biggest red flag is them just being an idiot. Yeah, like, end of the day, my biggest red flag is them just being an idiot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like some people are just idiots.
Speaker 2:And if I try, to have a reasonable conversation and they don't understand. Like I do not have the highest IQ ever, I do not have master's degrees, like there's a lot of education that I don't have. But if you can't even have like a half intelligent conversation with me, right, what are we going to talk about? Ever Just that. And when they talk the entire time.
Speaker 1:Like and don't ask you questions about yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's probably one of the biggest red flags is when they don't ask you questions.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's some narcissism stuff's going on, yeah, so what about like relationship? Right, like, let's say, you've moved on to past the dating. Now you're kind of like my non-negotiables yeah, like non-negotiables, because I feel like you and I have been, have had somewhat of a similar path as far as like our serious relationships.
Speaker 2:You think you're with your, your one, your person, and then, um, reality slaps you real hard the face yeah, um well, one of my biggest non-negotiables has always been I won't date someone with kids, and that's not against kids, right I? I just am not going to be someone's stepmother and I also don't want to partially jump into a kid's life and I don't plan on having kids yeah, you're myself.
Speaker 1:She's child, free by choice, by choice.
Speaker 2:She's had that, that mentality for ever yeah, and and some people may call it selfish, which is fine, because it's my life and I'm allowed to be a little selfish- not a little.
Speaker 1:You're allowed to be selfish, you're allowed. It's your life, your time, your fate and destiny. So yeah, you're choosing to live child free.
Speaker 2:And I mean I came, I was born into a situation that just simply wasn't ready for me, and so I don't want to bring a child into a situation that is not ready for them, of course. So that's just always been my, my plan. Yeah, you know, no kids. I would love to find someone who loves me more than anyone else on the planet and I can love them more than anyone else on the planet. And if I meet someone and they already have kids, they will always love them more than me, which is okay, which is understandable.
Speaker 2:It's expected they should love them more than me, which is why I just don't want to be in that situation. That's not what I want in the long term you know I don't plan on having kids and I never wanted to date someone with kids.
Speaker 1:Yet you found yourself in the situation dating someone who ended up having two children.
Speaker 2:Yes, I found myself in a relationship with a man. We will call him Peter, yes, and I got very emotionally invested and emotionally close to him very quickly and we shared a bond and it took a few months before I found out that he had kids and at that point I'm already so emotionally invested. I care about him.
Speaker 1:I love him.
Speaker 2:I'm like I want to make it work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're willing to look past the non-negotiable.
Speaker 2:The non-negotiable the fact that, yeah, there was a lot of things that he needed to take care of.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of things that he was lying to me about the kids, the wife, you know. But love makes you dumb. Yes.
Speaker 1:Sometimes yes, unfortunately.
Speaker 2:And even though those non-negotiables were there, I stuck around and I tried.
Speaker 1:Because you thought it would just get better, yeah, or you thought it would, you know, change, or I.
Speaker 2:I thought that we were just so good together that it was okay that you overlook those all negotiables. All of the bad that is because it's because, overall, it still felt good. Of course, you know, in the beginning it yes, it still felt good. And then years went on, mm-hmm, and I just started to understand more of how he was as a person.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And To lie about your where you are in your relationship and whether or not you know you were married or possibly still married, or the fact that you have kids. I feel like that already, right then. And there you're, just you're starting off on such a bad foot that it becomes like what else are you capable of lying about, because that's one hell of, that's your entire life. That's how you spend your day. You know what else are you capable of lying about.
Speaker 2:It was one of those things where, no matter what I did, no matter how much I trusted him, no matter where the relationship went, it was always built on a foundation of lies, and they weren't my lies, right. So there was always a layer of mistrust, whether we acknowledged it or not, yeah, it or not. And over time he had such an effect on me and broke me so many times. Yeah, and I would keep going back to him, of course, because I loved him and it was comfortable and I would rather be with him than alone in scary Los Angeles by myself with little friends, because I had a few friends and part of it was because of him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was the isolation. It was the isolation that you don't realize is happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't realize that you're by yourself until you look around and you're like, oh my God, wait, hold on, when you realize that every spare moment goes to that person, no matter what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and certain things he did, I didn't even realize how bad they were until years later, of course. Like, looking back, like I would pick up a shift at work because I need to work, I need to pay my bills. Of course he wasn't paying my bills and he would. He would be like aren't we supposed to hang out? Okay, like weren't we supposed to spend time together?
Speaker 2:well, I'm okay if you have to work like he made it, you were you were guilt neglecting him yeah I was neglecting him, he was making me feel bad, yeah, when I was just trying to take care of myself. Yeah, like the gaslighting, the lies, the manipulation. And then when I realized that he just like sure, he loved me, but he loved the part of me that he believed was real right. He didn't want to know anything about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he wanted you to fit his narrative and he wanted me to sit there and listen to him.
Speaker 2:He didn't ask me questions, we didn't have conversations back and forth. We would spend hours with him talking at me, right, yeah, and about stuff that he had already said a hundred times. It was it like a lecture, it was just his, his internal vents, whether it was about the past, x or economy, or real estate or politics, whatever it was that he was bitching about in the moment.
Speaker 1:Right, you know, but you had to sit there and listen to him and his thoughts, as opposed to him having a conversation with you about your thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 2:Asking my opinion. There was definitely a point in time when I realized that he just stopped asking me anything.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like at the beginning he kind of like love, bombed you?
Speaker 2:Probably yeah.
Speaker 1:Probably.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably there was gifts, there was money, there was. Yeah, I'll take care of you.
Speaker 1:I'll take care of you.
Speaker 2:Take you on this trip. Yep, yeah, yeah. At the time I didn't realize it, but yeah, yeah, I definitely think he did yeah as a way to to control me. Yeah, cause he was 10 years older than me, right, and you know more of an established person.
Speaker 1:Financially, not mentally.
Speaker 2:Financially career, you know whatever.
Speaker 1:Grown up wise. Quote unquote yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, and so it it. It did feel like someone who could take care of me Right and who wouldn't hurt me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How wrong was I.
Speaker 1:Like I feel, like you know, back when, like you and I first started becoming friends, I was in this really toxic relationship that you know at the time, like I, when I first started. That's why I asked about the love bombing.
Speaker 1:When I first, we first started going out, I, you know, he was older than me, I think he was, uh, seven or eight years older than me and I was just like, oh wow, I'm so lucky, he loves me so much. Like, how lucky am I now? You know, you know me now, however, many years later, I think I met him when I was 19 and it I became really stuck in this horrible toxic relationship and he love bombed me and I was like, oh wow, like I'm so lucky, I'm so loved. And then, you know, reality set in and by that time I was also, you know, like 20, 21, realizing who he really was. And then I felt stuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, stuck, yeah, well, and these narcissists they find ways to tell you the things that you really want to hear, that no one has said. Yes, you know the. I can't imagine my life without you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The. I will always be with you. The what else? It's wild because I started therapy while I was still with that ex and when he was gone from my life and the progress that I made getting him out of my life, like even my therapist could see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was like getting rid of him was so good for you. Did she have any advice for you while you were still with him? Was so good for you? Did she have any advice for you while you were still with him? Like, was she trying to maybe like nudge you, to be like to step away from the relationship?
Speaker 2:Yes, without being too much.
Speaker 1:Right, without straight up telling you to, because she knew I wanted to get away.
Speaker 2:She knew I was having issues with it too, and really she was helping me with the tools that I needed to deal with him, to know how to get away. You know I wouldn't have been able to get away without the tools that I had learned from my therapist. You know, um, the staying centered, staying grounded. You know, knowing that what someone else is saying might not actually be about you Knowing about the projection. You know, just being more aware.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know to where when we finally cut ties. It was very easy for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you didn't feel dependent anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was him running his mouth and me going blocked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't need this anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And going completely no contact with him was like the best thing.
Speaker 1:I think that's what you have to like with those type of people. You have to not give them any other access to you. It needs to fully be block your number, block on socials, yeah, you, you don't. You don't have con, you don't have access to my life anymore because you don't not number one. You don't deserve it and number two I deserve peace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because otherwise they will find a way always yeah, always I remember, like even you know, living in the place that him and I had shared together, I was like always worried he was gonna pop up, because he knows where I live, even though you know living in the place that him and I had shared together, I was like always worried he was gonna pop up because he knows where I live, even though you know, he didn't have access to calling me anymore, emailing me, even because, believe me, I had emails from him and it was yeah, until, like, when I moved out of that place, I was like okay, like for real, like there is like no way he can get ahold of me.
Speaker 2:I remember that. Yeah, I was very happy for you.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I mean, I felt that too I felt that you did, you just felt safer.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was. Yeah, that was a really horrible relationship and I don't really talk about it very much actually now that I think about it. But yeah, that was really shitty. I mean, I think, going through it, I definitely now know what's up. You know, again, I met him at 19 and I didn't really have much of a understanding of relationships. You know, I was raised, you know, pretty much all by women. I don't, you know, have a father in my life and stuff like that. So I wasn't really aware of what, like real healthy relationships are.
Speaker 1:So, I and he did very much isolate me.
Speaker 1:You know, I had friends and then, all of a sudden, I had no friends and then when I started to, you know, hang out with people like you know, you and I got close and I, we would hang out at work and then I would talk to other people. Then it would become a oh well, you know why are you hanging out with them? Oh, why are you talking to them? Because then he didn't have my full, undivided attention. And then when he realized he was starting to lose me and I was breaking away from, that is when he got even more like Aggressive, very much aggressive, more mentally and verbally abusive. He even became physically abusive after a while. It it just really it fell apart real quick and even then I couldn't get out of it. Yeah, so it was just, it was a real toxic cycle for a while. Let me knock everything over while I'm talking about it. Um, but yeah, it was toxic and scary.
Speaker 1:So, definitely breaking contacts going. You know, full ghost mode is always. Yeah, it's the best way to protect your own peace.
Speaker 2:But you also learn a lot from that trauma.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm definitely more aware of what should and how, how people should or shouldn't be treated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time to go through trauma. Personally is how I feel. Yeah, because once you've gone through certain traumas, whatever they may be, you now know what it's like to go through that Right. You now know what it's like to go through that Right, and you're able to see when others are going through it, and it just makes you understand more. But it also leaves you with the pain and the baggage that you have to heal and sometimes unlearn.
Speaker 1:So it gives you a lot of life experience, going through a lot of life experience, but like really really quickly you know, and once you, I feel like once you realize that you notice the patterns, it's easy to point them out in other people, but other people don't really want to hear it either. You know, it's like everyone has to learn that horrible lesson on their own, and it's always the hard way.
Speaker 2:What's wild about how I felt during my entire relationship with him was if I was on the outside looking in, I would tell myself to leave, of course. So why wasn't I leaving?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like that's the hardest part is when you know, when you know that you had a friend in that situation and you told them to get out yeah, and you tried to help them to get out. And then you find yourself in the same situation and you look at yourself, knowing that you should know better.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And you're stuck anyway, you're just still in it and you just, and you always make it the excuses for it, like, oh well, it's because of this and I.
Speaker 2:There were times when I said that directly to peter. I said if I was my friend looking in on what I'm dealing with with you, I would tell her to leave yeah, did he have any response to that?
Speaker 1:not usually he would just stare at you with like a blank he.
Speaker 2:He would he would just go off on one of his directions and then blaming me yeah, well, yeah, you're always the bad guy. It was always my fault yeah, I'm totally the villain in his family story oh yeah but oh well I have to focus on my happiness. Yeah, and I wasn't happy and I even told him I was like I have to put my happiness first yeah because that's what needs to matter to me, and if someone really loved you, he would say you know what?
Speaker 2:I want you to be happy, too well but what he did instead was he told me that I was selfish for not caring about his happiness and the happiness of his children.
Speaker 1:The children that he lied about having, the children that were not mine, the children that were ghosts up until you know month three, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's one of those things where there are so many things that I could still say to him yeah, but it ain't worth it, but why bother contacting him? Exactly, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I think about that now. Like God, oh God, there's no wood to knock on, Knock on wood. I hope I never, ever, ever see this person ever again. But if I ever were to, would I have any words for him? And I really don't I have. I had very little to say to him at the end anyway. Um, if that breakup was I mean you watched it go down you watched it?
Speaker 1:in real time. That breakup was horrible and it was overdrawn, um, because he wouldn't leave. Like you know he, we shared that house together and I was like, well, this is mine. Yeah, I probably really should have like put my ego aside and been like I'm just gonna move. Um, I didn't. So I told him he had to move out and then he never moved out and I was like stuck and I'm like, okay, well, I'm, you, live in the other room and I'll be in this room, and so toxic.
Speaker 1:So you know, it got to the point where I didn't like going home and your home is supposed to be your safe space, your happy place, and you know, I love my home now so much I very rarely leave it, but I used to, you know, dread going home, so I just started like making like little homes elsewhere, like I'd be like I'm gonna go to this person's house, I'm gonna go here, I'm gonna go there, and yeah, that was a very overdrawn breakup, but yeah, I don't really think I have anything left to say to him. What we said earlier I hope that they get the life that they deserve.
Speaker 2:They have the yeah, yeah, Absolutely. I hope they have the life that they deserve.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, I had a period of time where I was living with Peter as well, and it was during COVID. Yes, you know, which was really the only reason it happened was COVID. And it was during a very dark time and I was able to start working in a restaurant. But it was one of those things where, when I would come home from work, I wouldn't know what version of him I would get. Yeah, which demon would be in control of his brain.
Speaker 1:And that's scary, to not know what you're coming home to Like. What fight are we going to get into today?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What's going to happen today? What's going to ruin the day?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. What's going to ruin my night and make me not able to sleep? Yep, yeah. So there was, there was, there was a lot, and I, I also. I don't think I have anything to actually say to him. I think if he was to come at me and say anything, the only thing I would have to say is you built a relationship on a foundation of lies. Yeah, like anything, he's trying to blame for me.
Speaker 1:After that, like, you put me in a situation I didn't ask for yeah that you specifically were avoiding yeah yeah, so good riddance adios goodbye, deuces toodaloo. Yeah well, let's cheers to being oh no, it's drippy. Let's cheers to being out of toxic, horrible relationships out of toxic relationships and then healthy ones.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, we should talk about our healthy relationships, huh, okay, so you said you met dylan on on bumble, yeah, and your first date turned into three days. Yes, um, so what's been going on since then? Like you said that he had spent holidays back home in chicago with his family, yeah, so he, and then when he came back? What?
Speaker 2:yeah, he's that like. He's originally, you know, from chicago and he already had these plans to go back for the holidays. Um, which was really funny and cute, because when we did get together, he was like I wish I hadn't made these plans.
Speaker 2:I want to stay with you and I wanted him to stay too, of course, yeah, when it's a new relationship you just want to soak up all the time together and everything's yeah you know unicorns and rainbows you know yeah, and it's great and I heard this somewhere and I truly believe it that people are raised on either survival or love, and, in all honesty, the ones that some of the ones that are raised on love are also raised on a little bit of delusion, um, and, and those that are raised on survival know how hard things can be. Yeah, and dylan and I were both raised on survival.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so we understand each other just like on a, on a deeper level, on, and it's it's not just that it's him and that it's me, it's that we are actually building a life together and to feel that, to know that that's a thing I didn't know, it was a thing Like I didn't know that would actually happen?
Speaker 1:You didn't. You've never felt like you were building a life with somebody else.
Speaker 2:Not really, because I think for most people like building a life is like we're going to get married and do this and that and whatever, everyone should have their own definition of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think I've only been in like one relationship when I was younger, where I thought it might go in that way, you know, and it didn't right whatever, um, so the fact that we are wanting to build a life together and and we both don't want to have kids, and we both have similar opinions on the importance of marriage, it's not yeah some people, yeah, some people it's, it's an actual cornerstone others.
Speaker 1:You know it's a tax break. Yeah, I think it's a paper.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a tax break, basically so like we just we align well and even when we get into an argument or fight, it's not a fight Right, it's a tense conversation and it's one of those things where we are, we are both working to learn together. You know cause I haven't had healthy relationships in the past and I don't even have a lot of examples of healthy relationships in my family, yeah, and he feels very similar, you know.
Speaker 2:So us learning how to have a healthy relationship together is kind of beautiful. It really is, I hate to say like magical, but it kind of feels that way Because we truly want what's best for each other, right? You know it's special, look at you glowing yeah, he's great, he.
Speaker 2:I mean I, we love each other a lot good and and I would do anything for him and I think he would do anything for me. It's feeling that level, that that truly honest level of commitment it yeah, I didn't know I'd find that yeah, well, good, and you found it on bumble like we're not sponsored by bumble, but bumble if you want to sponsor.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've been on a lot of them okay, yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:What would?
Speaker 1:be your favorite, not not the success rate of it, because obviously bumble's your success story bumble was my favorite that was that your favorite one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it definitely became my favorite, like back in the day. I mean I remember Plenty of Fish, I remember there being a couple others at the time, and then right now, like obviously Tinder was big Is.
Speaker 1:Tinder because, again, I've never been on, like I've never done online dating or the dating apps. But like is Tinder? It's just the hookups. Tinder is for hookups. Yeah, like you're just trying to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Tinder's not usually for.
Speaker 2:Now it happens every now and then I mean not to football story, but Kylie Kelsey and Jason Kelsey met on Tinder, they met on Tinder and obviously that worked out for kids later, right? But yeah, that one. I didn't find quality there I did you find fun?
Speaker 2:nothing to write home about quality didn't make the roster for any period of time quantity not quality yeah, and so I never even I think. A lot of the ones on Tinder I didn't even meet up with because they didn't even pass in that part and I know Bumble for a while was very strict on the women having to message first which is part of why I liked it Right, because then I wouldn't get filled with just 20 messages of different guys saying hey.
Speaker 2:Instead I was the person sending a message saying hey, yes, like literally that's what I would send. I would include their name, but I'd be like hey John, hey Kyle, like hey Mark, and let them respond. But but it at least gave me the ability to narrow it down a little right and not have so much trash so then, what made bumble?
Speaker 1:like your favorite, then, out of all of them I mean that, the fact that they want it.
Speaker 2:When you matched with someone, the woman had to initiate, okay, the conversation. Um, because when I would be on on other apps and they would you match, or if it's just an open one, like I know how plenty of fish used to be, I don't even know if they're still around. Um, people could just message you yeah you know, with no matching or no nothing, and a lot of the time, a lot of the times, they don't read profiles.
Speaker 2:Men are just going for they're just quantity like we all know, and guys are honest about it they just go swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, and they wait for one of the girls to match them.
Speaker 1:They're like someone's bound to respond.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah whereas what I did is I. I did pay a little extra for the premium because I wanted to just go through the list of the guys that had tried to match with me oh, okay, yeah so that I could just be like okay, I'll give you a chance, yeah I'll give you a chance. Yeah, I'll give you a chance. And so that you know that was, that was during, you know, last summer, when I was dating around a bunch.
Speaker 1:And you were getting your fun in. I was having just just a one last little spree. Right, you're, you were having a summer.
Speaker 2:A little spree. We don't slut shame here. No, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:As you know, we've had our fun. Yeah, you know you have to get that, get those years out of your system. And now I'm slutty, just for one. There you go. Yeah, you got to know what you're doing, exactly, exactly. Yeah, no slut shaming, absolutely. Not speaking of being slitty, possibly. Um, I always want my guests to come in with their own gremlin story, so I told you to think of one and you said you have one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that you didn't 100, remember, and then you were filled in on yeah yeah, which is how gremlin stories should be I mean, I was there not mentally yeah your body was there, my body was there, all right, let's hear it.
Speaker 1:What's your? What's your?
Speaker 2:so I, every year, I take my sister and some of her friends out to a big dinner for her birthday, um, and it's usually someplace I'm working so that we can, you know, get a good deal, and it's all fancy and special.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what's going on there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there was a couple years ago Okay, it was also when I was also just drinking heavily, that's when I was in my drinking tequila straight phase a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to go through it, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so we were at dinner and my, my, my good friend v was our server and she was my roommate too. Yes, and she wasn't really able to keep track of my drinks very well because I kept going to the bartender, oh, and just saying, yeah, tequila oops, oh no um I I already had plans. V was going to take me home at the end of the night.
Speaker 1:It was a celebratory night. It was a celebratory night. I knew I was going to be drinking?
Speaker 2:Yes, Like the plan. Plan was set. You know I was going to go home with V. I was going to wait. She was going to go get the car and come pick me up, because I knew I wasn't going to want to walk to where they have to park. I was in heels, yada, yada, so. So then we're, we're going to leave, and I insist on walking to the car.
Speaker 1:Which is what you were avoiding at the beginning of the night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I knew. I didn't want to do that.
Speaker 1:So the fact that I was offering but drunk you said, let's go on an adventure.
Speaker 2:Black out me, said let's go for a walk. So V and our other co-worker, Elijah sweet kid, he helped walk me to the car. So it was V on one side, Elijah on the other.
Speaker 1:Did you have noodle legs? Probably.
Speaker 2:Okay, probably Because I don't remember any of it. Yeah, this is all from what v has told me. Yes, um, but we get back to the car and then we're, we're driving back and I am chatty, of course, chatty, chatty, chatty. However, no one knows what language I was speaking oh, you were doing gibberish ah, I was speaking in tongues.
Speaker 2:Apparently I would be was just like I was speaking some random language and no idea what I was talking about. Okay, so we get back home and I everyone that knows me knows that when drunk I am a puker- it?
Speaker 1:yeah, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:You know, you either are, you aren't yeah, and so v's kind of trying to get me to sleep in the bathroom which is something that I would do, knowing that I'm gonna be puking all night um, but I refused you're like I'm sleeping in my bed. Apparently I thought I was fine and I was like I'm sleeping in my bed and, uh, I already feel like I know where it's going yeah, yes, when I, yeah, when I woke up the the bed was a mess was covered in vomit.
Speaker 1:Oh no, like honestly I, I'm grateful I'm alive I was gonna say you could have aspirated and died yeah.
Speaker 2:Sadly that's not the first time I've drunk vomited in my sleep. But I'm grateful I'm alive.
Speaker 1:We're still here.
Speaker 2:But it was disgusting and I was so hungover that you can't fix it. I couldn't clean it immediately. I couldn't even sleep in that room. I was sleeping in the other. That you can't fix it. I couldn't clean it immediately. I couldn't even sleep in that room, like I was sleeping in the other room with V for two days because I was like I can't. And then, once I finally did deal with cleaning, the whole situation.
Speaker 2:Because it wasn't just on the bed. My bed was against the wall, so it was behind the bed, on the wall, on the floor, on on the pillows, like one of my pillows I just straight up threw out yeah because it was one of those like seated pillows. Oh, and so I was nope trash. Everything else was cleaned up and, like as I'm cleaning this, I am thinking to myself how do parents do it?
Speaker 1:oh no, I was just thinking like, like, how do parents?
Speaker 2:yeah, clean up the vomit and that's after their children.
Speaker 1:It's not even vomit, it's like poo like and that's that's not. It wasn't like a oh, they went out kind of thing. That's a daily occurrence.
Speaker 2:That, that was my thought because, as I was cleaning this, I was like there's no one that I can ask or pay to do this for me yeah you and it would, and if it was someone else's, I was gonna say it was your own, my child and I had to do that, like when I was done cleaning.
Speaker 2:I called my mom and I was like sorry, I'm sorry and I don't know how you did it. She did it twice. Well, and I was a puker even as a kid. Oh, you've been like this from day one. I've had some.
Speaker 2:I've had some bad vomit experiences that my mom has had to clean up, so your mom's like a full-on trooper oh yeah, she's absolutely so we should call her after this and give her thanks mom for always cleaning up after me send her some flowers yeah, but it was literally one of those things where I was for always cleaning up after me, send her some flowers, but it was literally one of those things where I was like after cleaning up, after that I was like oh, how do people do it?
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to say that you were upset with yourself, like you were living in the reality of what you had done, so you were like, ugh, never again.
Speaker 2:No, I was like why do people have kids if they have to clean up after? Them, because they usually do it voluntarily too because I was like cleaning up this mess was a night. It was bad. It was a nightmare. It was like the whole bed had to be pulled out the wall, the floor, it was a production.
Speaker 2:Oh man, that's a good gremlin story, because that was still that one lasted days it did last days, god, because literally I was hung over for two days, could barely move and then, and then it took a good day to clean it and just, and now you're left with the memory.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for that amazing gremlin story very welcome I'll have to give v a hug when I see her again. She loves hugs. Perfect, all right. Well, that was our episode. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2:So I am on Instagram, missjackrae M-I-S-S-J-A-C-Q-R-A-E, you know, and I am considering getting into the Twitch field. I have been gaming a bit more, all right, and I really enjoy it, so maybe.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, if you get on it, then we'll promote it yeah absolutely, and we're going to have you come back on anyway, because we got more stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were talking.
Speaker 1:When we were going over what we were going to discuss, we were like we could talk about this and that and I was like hold on, wait, let's separate this into different episodes. So today was dating, Next time it'll be hospitality horror stories. And you know, you've got, you've got some projects. Yeah, you got projects. You got some good stuff coming up. All right, so Instagram and you're not on TikTok, are you?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not on TikTok. I mean, I was for a minute but I deleted it, so there's no reason to follow me All right, I gave up.
Speaker 1:Forget it, I'm too old.
Speaker 2:I could handle Instagram.
Speaker 1:You're like, I learned one, and that's it, it's too much All right.
Speaker 1:And then you can follow the podcast at Emily to Gremlin Pod on Instagram and TikTok, also at emily2gremlinpod on Instagram and TikTok Also. Make sure to write in your gremlin stories so they can be featured on future episodes of the podcast. We're going to actually I'm collecting the ones that we have we're going to read them on the podcast and that's the same as the Instagram and TikTok handles emily2gremlinpod at gmailcom. Make sure to write in in and we'll read them and it'll be fun. Yeah, it'll make us feel better about our stories.
Speaker 2:Everyone has at least one gremlin story.
Speaker 1:At least one, but it would make us feel better if you have multiple.
Speaker 2:And if you don't, you're lying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just yeah, come on, Come on, all right, that's our episode. Thank, come on, all right, that's our episode.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me. Cheersies, cheers, yay, tequila, tequila.