Emily to Gremily

Bite Me: When Alcohol Turns People into Actual Gremlins

• Emily Hogan

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Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking with that sinking feeling that something went terribly wrong? You're not alone. This episode dives deep into the hilarious, mortifying, and all-too-relatable world of alcohol-induced bad decisions through five listener-submitted stories that will make you cringe, laugh, and maybe feel a little better about your own gremlin moments.

We journey from New Orleans, where a 25th birthday celebration led to matching (except not matching at all) tattoos, to a wine tour where a love of dogs collided disastrously with too much Pinot Noir. You'll hear the digital age nightmare of drunk texting an ex seventeen increasingly desperate times, followed by the university party where one listener's inexplicable urge to bite her crush turned her into a literal gremlin. We wrap up with a DIY belly button piercing, a testament to teenage rebellion and poor alcohol-mixing choices.

Between stories, I share my own experiences and confessions, including my needle phobia that prevented multiple planned piercings and my own peculiar urge to occasionally bite my boyfriend (it's a love language, I swear!). The episode creates a judgment-free space where we can all acknowledge the temporary gremlins we become when our inhibitions disappear.

Have your own gremlin story to share? Send it to EMILYTOGREMILYPOD@GMAIL.COM and specify whether you'd like to remain anonymous. Follow along on Instagram and TikTok @emilytogremilypod for updates, polls, and opportunities to contribute to future episodes. And if you enjoyed these tales of liquid courage gone wrong, drop a five-star review!

Speaker 1:

hey guys, emily, emily to gremlin, here again with another solo episode. I figured I should start reading some more gremlin stories. You guys keep submitting, submitting them, and I've read like I don't know, maybe like four. If that I don't even I can't keep track, but I feel like I need to start reading more, otherwise you guys won't keep sending them in. So that's what this whole episode is going to be, just your submitted Gremlin stories. I really appreciate the fact that some of you signed them and then others said please keep me anonymous, I will respect all wishes, but thank you for making it so abundantly clear. That helps me a lot.

Speaker 1:

Our drink of the episode is I'm kind of bummed about it. It's a Tito's and another Alani, because that's what I did last week and I thought I liked it. It tasted good. But I picked the pink slushy one and it came out clear. I thought it was gonna look really cute and pink like last week's episode and it didn't. So I don't know. Kind of bummed, but I didn't want to waste the alani either. Yeah, that's our drink. Um, I think I'm gonna. I have to start making drinks like better for myself. For the solo episodes I usually just kind of throw something together, and then I'm always bummed about after the fact, like I need to kind of like romanticize my life a little bit more, or like romanticize doing like a solo podcast episode. I love making drinks, like for people and when I'm with people, but when I'm by myself I just kind of like throw it together and then I'm always bummed with the results. So I need you guys to hold me accountable that next week I have to make myself like a cute cocktail, otherwise, you know, it's just going to be bummer city for me over here. All right, so with that we're going to start with.

Speaker 1:

I think I have one, let's see One, two, three, four. I have five stories that I picked. There are more still sitting in my inbox. I have skimmed through them. I just picked these ones that were kind of closer to the bottom because I didn't want them to get lost in the shuffle. So if I didn't pick yours today, it's still going to get picked at some point. Bear with me, I'm moving a little slower than normal right now. All right, so with that. This first one is from Cassie, and Cassie says it was my 25th birthday and my sister and I were in New Orleans to celebrate After countless hurricanes.

Speaker 1:

One of us I don't know who decided we needed to get matching tattoos, like we had always talked about. I barely remember going to the tattoo shop and now come to think of it, I have no idea why the tattoo artist even did our tattoos, because we were so annihilated drunk, but nevertheless. The next morning I woke up in our hotel with a headache that felt like a marching band was parading through my skull. My mouth was very dry, my phone was missing and I was lying in a tangle of sheets with one very unsettling sensation Pain Specifically on my hip. I pulled down my shorts and I stared. There was a green cartoon crocodile on my hip. The worst part my sister got a tattoo in the same spot of a peace sign. They don't even match all caps. What the fuck does a crocodile and a peace sign have to do with us or our bond as sisters? Why did I even pick a crocodile? It makes no sense.

Speaker 1:

The rest of the day was a blur of Advil Gatorade and silent regret. We decided to keep the tattoos, since we got them together, but still, 10 years later, I have no fucking idea what one has to do with the other. Anyways, maybe next time we'll get gremlins. Cheers, cassie. Oh my God, cassie.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I don't have any tattoos because I'm absolutely terrified of needles. I think that you know that works out in mysterious ways, because I can imagine I would have gotten a drunk tattoo or two at this point. But a cartoon crocodile I don't know what you were thinking either. And the peace sign I mean, I'm assuming it's like the peace sign, not like two fingers holding up a piece. I'm assuming it's the actual peace sign. But yeah, I don't know why you guys picked that. And then the tattoo artist tattooing you guys. That shouldn't even be allowed. Like, I remember my first job. I was a receptionist at a tattoo parlor and they were like pretty strict about I think you couldn't. You obviously couldn't be drunk, but you couldn't have. I believe it was ibuprofen in your system because it thinned your blood and it would make you bleed, like during the tattooing process. So the fact that this guy did this to both of you is absolutely wild. Yeah, girl, I don't know. A crocodile and a peace sign. If you want, if you're willing and able to send me those pictures, please do. I'll post them with your permission. But yeah, I would love to see what that little crocodile looks like. But congratulations on your sisterly tattoo. Yeah, I don't have any tattoos because I'm terrified. I was supposed to get well, not supposed to. Nana and I had always talked about doing matching tattoos. Um, we never did and she has since passed. But I do think about possibly getting that tattoo every now and then. But I'm just a big old baby, I'll never do it all right. So this next one is from Laura. It says my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year when we decided to do a weekend getaway.

Speaker 1:

On going on a vineyard tour we hit six wineries. Our shuttle driver was really nice and chill and our group of 10 started out fun but slowly became a disaster. They usually do. Some people were just tasting the wine while others, including myself, were full on drinking Somewhere around winery number four. Things went fuzzy and I absolutely don't remember arriving at winery five or six, just bits and pieces here and there. But as we were leaving the last winery a little white dog came up to our group and I, being an absolute dog lover, bent down to greet the dog. But I guess bending down made me sick and I puked Pinot Noir all over the place, with some landing on the dog. I apologized and shouted it's okay, I'm allergic to dogs, as if that's the reason I threw up and not the barrel of wine I had just drank. My boyfriend ushered me to the shuttle with everyone else shamefully following.

Speaker 1:

I passed out on the ride back to the hotel and the next morning I felt even worse. I wore a hat and sunglasses during checkout so no one would recognize me. Laura, oh no, I'm like I don't know why I'm picturing like a little white, fluffy Pomeranian. That's just like covered in like red and shame. Oh gosh, I don't think I've ever thrown up on an animal. No, I for sure haven't. I feel like that's something I would remember.

Speaker 1:

I have been on a winery tour, but I didn't drink that much wine because I was kind of hung over from the night before. But I did go on it and it was fun and I tasted a little bit and had some some nice crackers, so that was a good time. Bit and had some some nice crackers, so that was a good time. And, yeah, I would have. I would have gone incognito the next day too, because that is horrible. Ok, the next one is anonymous, and now that I'm seeing the first part of it. I remember why it's anonymous and I would be anonymous too. All right, she says.

Speaker 1:

A couple of years ago I was out with some friends for a chill Saturday night at our local bar. I wasn't planning on getting wasted like I did, but at some point during the night our cocktails turned into shots and that was that it usually is. The next morning I woke up on my friend's couch feeling like absolute shit, but grateful we made it back safely. I checked around for my purse and found it with, luckily, everything still inside. Those are always the luckiest days, I swear.

Speaker 1:

I checked my phone only to see that I had, drunk, texted my ex-boyfriend not once, not twice, and not even three times 17 times, 17 fucking times. It started with just saying hey, then I miss you, and then just spiraled into do you still love me, and all of them had typos. The next two messages went undelivered, so I assume he blocked me. I have no idea. I died inside and deleted the text thread and pretended it didn't happen. I never reached out to him and neither did he, I'm for sure known as.

Speaker 1:

When I first read that, I felt so bad for you, anonymous. Oh God, I just I can imagine like waking up with that, like absolute, like panic and shame, of just being like, oh my God, like I just texted this guy and I didn't even just say like just starting with the hey, it's already starting out like kind of iffy, but I miss you and do you still love me? Like I think I, honestly, I would have done the exact same thing you did. I would have deleted it, pretended it never happened, and if you would have ever said anything to me about it after the fact, I would have just straight up denied it Like I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, because that wasn't me. Straight up denied it Like I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, because that wasn't me, that that was somebody else, because that was somebody else, that was your alter ego that was plotting your goddamn demise. You poor thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, when did you say this was? Oh, a couple years ago, okay, so, yeah, I don't think you'll run into him anytime soon because it's been a couple years. I feel like you're out of the woods at this point. Yeah, I don't think I've ever, drunk, texted an ex. I don't think I have. But if anyone knows that I have, just keep that to yourself, because that's none of my goddamn business. In my head I've never texted an ex drunk and we're going to keep it that way because I can't handle any more embarrassment in my life.

Speaker 1:

Ok, the next one is also anonymous, and I picked this one specifically for my boyfriend, and he'll know why afterwards and I'll explain it afterwards. But anonymous says I have a really embarrassing story, so please keep me anonymous. Will do, babe? I have absolutely no idea why, but while at a uni party I'm assuming uni means university. Correct me if I'm wrong, though, but while at a uni party I had been drinking a lot and decided to bite the guy I had a crush on. We were all talking and laughing and I fear I became an actual gremlin and just straight on, bit this man in the bicep. Everyone stopped and just stared at me. I immediately sobered up and looked at him and he had a horrified look on his face rightfully so. I just stared at him and said sorry. For obvious reasons we never began dating as I hoped we would, and just typing this out now makes me want to die, you poor, poor baby.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I picked this one specifically because I don't know why. I don't know why, but I know I'm not alone in this. I like to bite him, and it's not like in a sexual way, I just like if we're sitting on the couch and I just look over and see him, I just wanna like bite him. So I do, and he hates it, which he shouldn't, because it's just me showing love. I think it's a love language and I know I'm not alone because I keep seeing all over Instagram all these like memes and like funny gifs about how, like, biting is a love language and you're just trying to show your love. Why you did it to someone you're not dating though, I don't know, and I don't think I've ever done that either.

Speaker 1:

But, um, I do understand the urge to to bite someone. It's weird. I don't know what that is. Um, if someone has like an actual diagnosis for that, because it is a weird thing to just look at somebody and feel like you want to just like chomp on them. Um, but, yeah, you know, I'm sorry, girl at an at a uni party. That's not something people like here in america and the states normally say I want to know where you're from, like, are you from canada? Are you from, like you know, england or Britain, uk, whatever you want to say. But yeah, I'm dying to know where you're from, because uniparty isn't something that we say here in the States. So let me know where you're from. And I'm sorry, no judgment here.

Speaker 1:

I bite too, but I don't know why. It's just, I don't know. Maybe it's like you see something cute, like when you you see something cute, you want to like pinch its cheeks. Or like you see a cute animal and you want to, you want to hug it and smush it, but obviously not in a violent way. I, I get it, you know, it's just. Sometimes you just want to bite. But you know, we're just both two gremlins who are, um, who want to sink our teeth into people. That's okay, all right.

Speaker 1:

And this is the last one. We started with a tattoo story and we're going to end with a piercing story. So we're ending with needles, starting with needles. We're going full circle here, all right. So last one, from Alexandra.

Speaker 1:

She said while I was drunk I decided to pierce my own belly button. I had always wanted a belly button piercing, but my super strict parents would never allow it. I was 19 and still living at home. When they were away for the weekend, I invited a few friends over, one of which had a fake ID, and they brought over an assortment of beverages. Being young and dumb, I mixed a bunch of different alcohols, which I now know is the worst decision.

Speaker 1:

I completely remember the night shocking, I know and one of my friends dared me to pierce my belly button. So I did. I got a needle from my mom's sewing kit and sent it right on through my skin. Since I was wasted, I didn't feel anything, but the next morning it hurt like hell. It didn't help that we had tried shoving an earring through the ridiculously tiny hole. Oh my god, it's like worse and worse. Obviously, that piercing didn't stick, and when I moved out a year later, I got it done by a professional, but I only had it a year before I grew sick of it and just let the hole close up.

Speaker 1:

Good times, though. Also, side note never mix your alcohol, kids. You always regret it. Keep on going. Love the pod, alexandra. Oh my God, okay, okay.

Speaker 1:

So again, terrified of needles. Um, I, I wouldn't. I I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't be able to do this. It would freak me out. Um, I do remember when I was it was my 15th birthday and my mom had a friend who was a tattoo artist and, in the same vein, a piercer, and I said I wanted all these different piercings. So for my 15th birthday, that was my present. She took me to her friend and said she can get whatever she wants.

Speaker 1:

So he was like all right, cool, what do you want? I was feeling really brave and excited and I was like I want the top of my ear pierced, I want my belly button pierced, I want my nose pierced and maybe I want like my lip pierced, like I was thinking of maybe doing, like that little Monroe one. So he was like all right, cool, well, let's get started. So we started with the top of my ear. It's right here. I can still feel it the top of my left ear, still feel it the top of my left ear. And he did it and I swear to God, I still can remember the feeling and what had happened.

Speaker 1:

He put it through my ear, the top of my cartilage, and I thought I felt this hot warmth come over the side of my face. I thought I was like gushing like copious amounts of blood from my ear, which is an absolute ridiculous statement to say. But that's exactly what I thought in that moment I thought I was gushing blood out of the side of my head. I flipped the fuck out. It was comical looking back on it.

Speaker 1:

But at that time I thought I was like maybe near death because of blood loss and I was convinced it was bleeding. I screamed and they were like laughing at me and they're like you're not bleeding, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. I was like no, I'm not. They showed me in the mirror. They're like you're not bleeding, you're fine. I was totally fine. I just had like this big ass needle sticking out of my ear.

Speaker 1:

So they put the needle through and then put the earring in. And then I felt so cool. I was like, oh my gosh, that's great. He's like all right, what next? Your belly button? Because that's the one I really wanted, that's the one I should have started with, to be quite honest. And I chickened out and I said no. And I got zero piercings after that and still to this day, so I even like I had that earring in for I don't know, maybe like five, six, seven years, I don't even. I think seven's even stretching it, that hole is closed up. So I went through all that pain and grief and the tears, because there were tears for nothing, and I should have started with the belly button, because I think I would have gotten a little more use out of that than I did the ear, but to this day, I never let another needle touch me, other than like a vaccine. But whatever, yeah, so good for you for being so, alexandra, for you for being so brave, because even though it's just a tiny ass sewing needle, I would be absolutely scared to pieces. And, yeah, and then you got it done professionally. So you, you still mustered the courage to keep on going. Bravo to you, alexandra.

Speaker 1:

All right, so those were our gremlin stories. Again, just another solo episode of me, just kind of reading, still getting used to doing solo episodes. We are going to have some more guests soon, though. I have some really fun people and some fun ideas and stories Well, not stories, just talking points lined up that I'm really excited to share with you guys.

Speaker 1:

But, yeah, keep on sending in your Gremlin stories. You can send them in to emily2gremlinpod at gmailcom. Remember to say whether you want to stay anonymous, whether you want to put your name down, just like Cassie, laura and Alexandra did today, and then also give me a follow on TikTok and Instagram, emily to Gremlin pod on both. I'm going to start like putting out like polls and questions to you guys. Also, if I have, if I'm going to do another solo episode and it's going to be a specific topic and I want, like you know, you guys, your input, for you guys to send in some questions. Give me a follow. That's going to be on Instagram, so give me a follow there so you can follow in and get on the get on the conversation and whatnot. So it'll be fun.

Speaker 1:

I will eventually start doing my drink recipes again. I don't know, they were kind of just such a disaster that I kind of got over them, but I'm going to pick them back up Because you know your girl needs content. So, yeah, so send in your gremlin stories. Also, give me a five star review on wherever you're listening. I'm going to do another post. I said I was gonna do it last week. I'm going to do it right now. Another post on wherever you're listening I'm gonna do another post. I said I was gonna do it last week. I'm gonna do it right now. Another post on where you can listen to me. All the different platforms I'm listed on there's like I don't know, I think 15.

Speaker 1:

But give me a five-star rating and a nice review I did have. I was looking, it was on Apple Podcast and I saw that I had a one-star review and at first I was like my heart sank into my butt because I was like, oh my God, somebody hates the podcast. And then I read his review and his name was listed as Harvey Butthole Ten out of ten on your fake name already. But he said he was. He gave me a one star because I was promoting promoting misandrist commentary. And then I realized he was just looking at the titles and it was when I was promoting my friend's podcast.

Speaker 1:

Men are trash. We aren't saying all men are trash. She was just going to talk about the trashy men from, like, history and society and public and whatnot. So, mr butthole um. And also he signed it with a pair like typing out a pair of boobs. So thank you for that, um. Also, if you just listen to the episode, it's not misandrist, good lordy um. But yeah, so wherever you're listening, just give a five-star review so we can get rid of buttholes um review and yeah, so that's the episode. Um, I'm gonna finish this drink. That kind of bummed me out and by the time I'm done with it, I don't think I'll be bummed out anymore. So, cheersies, and I'll see you guys next week. Bye.

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Emily Hogan

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