Emily to Gremily

The Art of Romanticizing Your Life While Still Making Bad Decisions

• Emily Hogan

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Have you ever woken up in a Target parking lot with your mouth "tasting like regret and tequila"? You're not alone in your gremlin moments.

This episode begins with Emily's attempt to romanticize her life through a carefully crafted sea breeze cocktail, proving that self-care can be as simple as treating yourself to something special. She then dives into a fascinating explanation of "cute aggression"; turns out, science has an explanation for why one listener bit her crush at a university party!

The heart of the episode tackles relationship crossroads we all face. Should you stay with someone who refuses to grow up and consistently puts partying before your relationship? Is it ever wise to give a cheating ex a second chance after years apart? Emily offers thoughtful perspective on both scenarios, acknowledging that while no relationship is truly a "waste of time" (each one teaches us something), staying with someone hoping they'll change rarely leads to happiness.

Listener-submitted gremlin stories bring the laughs, from embarrassing hangover moments to accidentally ruining someone's elaborately planned marriage proposal. Emily contributes her own mortifying memory of throwing up in a wildlife park parking lot during her first trip with her now-boyfriend, proving that even our worst moments can become funny stories years later.

This mashup episode creates a judgment-free space where we can all reflect on our questionable decisions with humor rather than shame. After all, isn't that what connects us? Our collectively messy, imperfect humanity that's still trying to figure it all out.

Have your own gremlin story or need advice? Email emilytogremilypod@gmail.com and follow @emilytogremilypod on Instagram and TikTok to join the conversation.

Speaker 1:

hey guys, emily, emily to gremily back again with another solo episode. I think I'm kind of getting used to these. I don't mind you basically talking to myself at this point. I do it every day, so I might as well get used to doing it in front of a camera and a microphone. So yeah, we're back again another solo episode.

Speaker 1:

I did hold myself accountable to romanticizing my life, which I said I was going to do in my last episode, and I did. I made myself an actual cocktail. I didn't just throw together two ingredients. I ended up making a sea breeze cocktail. If you're not watching, it's a beautiful reddy pinky color. It's just vodka, cranberry juice and grapefruit juice. I did switch it up, though.

Speaker 1:

I did a new vodka that I just recently found. I went to Total Wine and I went there for you know a Tito's run, because you know I'm a Tito's gal and the people who work there were like hey, if you like Tito's, you should try this vodka. It's called Tower Vodka. I'm not sponsored, but I'm totally down for a sponsorship. So Tower Vodka hit me up. I'm not sponsored, but I'm totally down for a sponsorship. So Tower Vodka hit me up. They said it was just as good as Tito's, but cheaper and they're kind of right. Not that I'm, you know, totally turning my back on Tito's, but you know, if you're a frugal gal like myself, tower Vodka is where it's at. I don't know if it's sold anywhere else except Total Wine, so we'll have to see. I also switched it up and I did a grapefruit soda instead of a grapefruit juice, I believe it was. The brand was Fever Tree. It's good If you don't like anything tart though you're not going to like this drink because it's, you know, tart on tart grapefruit cranberry, but I like it. I've had several sips and then I refilled my cocktail.

Speaker 1:

So this might be a disaster of an episode and I might slur my words. Um, you're just gonna have to bear with me, but yeah, so I'm kind of doing a little bit of a mashup for this episode. So I I'm going to do a section. I don't know what to call it. I was like is it like Circle Back? I don't know. I kind of want a cuter name other than Circle Back. But I had a couple people write in questions or a response to a question I'd already asked and I need to address it. But if you can think of a better title other than circle back, please let me know.

Speaker 1:

The first one is on the anonymous post from last week involving she was at a university party and she bit her crush randomly and she didn't know why. I said I do the same thing but I don't bite random people, so let's just make that clear. But I said I do the same thing but I don't bite random people, so let's just make that clear. But I said if anyone wants to diagnose what the hell that is, because it's odd, it's an odd thing to do. Someone wrote in and they said quote it's called cute aggression. It is described as the feeling of wanting to squeeze, bite or pinch something adorable without any real intent to cause harm. And I thought that was a perfect statement because I'm not trying to hurt anybody and I don't think the girl from last week was trying to hurt her crush. She just I don't know thought he was cute and decided to take a chomp, I don't know. So if I bite you, it's just me calling you cute and I would really love to not have any pushback on that, please. And thank you, you're the best. And then I got a question. The person said I also didn't know if I should like say the person's name, so I'm just like keeping these anonymous.

Speaker 1:

So in the last episode I had said that I had gotten an ear piercing for my 15th birthday. My mom took me to a piercer and said I could get anything I wanted done. I started with my ear, the top of my ear and I had such a horrible experience that I never did anything else, including the belly button piercing that I really wanted, and I said I would have gotten more use out of my belly button piercing than the ear piercing that I really wanted. And I said I would have gotten more use out of my belly button piercing than the ear piercing that I got. And someone asked me how would you have gotten more use out of your belly button piercing? And my honest answer is because when I was skinny and 22 and a hoe, everyone and their daddy would have seen that, like, your girl was walking around in nothing but crop tops and that's how I would have gotten more use out of it. Because no one saw my ear, especially like way back when, when I was younger, I used to have my hair always down in a tiny ass little outfit and that's just the way I live life. Nobody saw my freaking ears and everyone saw my stomach. Nobody saw my freaking ears and everyone saw my stomach and how skinny, tiny I was.

Speaker 1:

And you know, those were the days I was also thinking back on it and I realized that my mom she was she was a pretty strict woman when I was growing up and for her to take me to go get a piercing is kind of like a little out of the ordinary for her, considering how strict she was about like everything. But I do believe she did kind of like a reverse psychology on me. She didn't mind me getting my ear pierced and she is the one who said let's start with the ear. I had to think back on it and was like she did say it. I think she knew that I was going to be afraid to get anything else pierced and it fucking worked. So since then I haven't gotten any other piercings.

Speaker 1:

I have no tattoos and I let that whole this ear hole close up. It's ridiculous. And even so I tried to put on earrings like last week and my right ear the the hole like in my normal cartilage I got like as a baby child that one is kind of closed up. So I almost have to get that repierced. If I want to wear normal earrings and I don't know if I'm going to do it which means if you see me with earrings, unless I conquer my fear, I'm going to have to wear like clip-ons, like I don't know a two-year-old. I have a bunch of earrings that I want to wear and I have, like, some really nice earrings. I just can't wear them because I can't push it through the hole. It's becoming ridiculous.

Speaker 1:

Also, talking about the girl in the last episode who, drunk, texted her ex-boyfriend 17 times, I made the statement saying I didn't think I'd ever drunk texted an ex and if I did, don't tell me because it's not my business. Unfortunately, I have a friend who decided it should be my business and she was very quick to remind me hey, by the way, that's not true, you have drunk texted an ex. And I was like hold on, wait. I need timelines, I need receipts, I need to know what's going on. So she told me about it and I still stand by my statement. That guy was not an ex-boyfriend, that guy was a situationship, a hookup, I don't know. At one night, one night I was feeling myself and, drunk, texted him basically like booty, calling him, asking to come over and him being you know the hoe that he was, he was like yeah, of course, totally come over. And luckily she did stop me from going, so she stayed. She saved half of my dignity. So thank you for that, for saving me. But also how dare you remind me of it? Because I had blocked that from my brain and also blocked that guy from my brain. So thank you for that.

Speaker 1:

So, like I said, this episode is going to be kind of like a mashup. I was going to do the circle backs, which I believe I'm done with unless something else pops into my brain. But also I had gotten some advice questions. I had put it back. I believe it was episode four, the relationship centered episode, where I said if you guys have any questions, like you need advice on something, to email them in or DM me. I had gotten these after I had already filmed and published that episode, but I thought I shouldn't just like leave them alone. I wanted to respond to them. So I have two of them. Both of them are anonymous. If you were waiting for my response on this, I'm sorry it took so long. Maybe I'll do some kind of like end of the episode If you guys are asking for advice, I can include it into the episodes, or if I have guests on, I can read them your questions and get their input and what their advice would be and see if we have the same advice, or maybe, just so you can get two different perspectives. So that's what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1:

This first one says I have been wanting to break up with my boyfriend for a while now, but I don't know if I should do it or how to do it. He is a nice guy but he just won't grow up. He loves to go out with his friends every weekend and binge and party. I don't mind him hanging out with his friends, but it's just getting to be too much. I reached the end of my rope when he was too hung over from partying on a Friday night to go with me to my cousin's wedding on a Saturday afternoon, even though we had planned this out for months in advance. We got into a huge fight and I told him he needs to grow up and he said he would. But now, just two weeks later, we are back in the same boat again and he went out, went out after work on Friday and I didn't hear from him until Sunday night.

Speaker 1:

I feel like I just wasted a year of my life. So what should I do? Thank you, okay. So I'm assuming, based on this, that you guys don't live together because you didn't say he didn't come home. You said you hadn't heard from him. So in my mind I guess the breakup would be a little smoother. There's no such thing as a smooth breakup, actually. I mean, I haven't experienced a smooth breakup, but you're saying I feel like I just wasted a year of my life. So what should I do? I think it would be a shame to waste another year of your life because obviously you're not on the same page as this person. Not that actually, I don't think any relationship is a waste of time.

Speaker 1:

I do, I have felt that in the past but at the same time, every relationship you have is just kind of like a lesson, which is maybe kind of a shitty thing to say, I'm not sure reason, which sounds really cliche, but I think he just kind of taught you what you are and aren't willing to put up with. You don't want somebody who is basically acting like a frat boy who's, like you know, pretending to be like he's 19 still I don't know the age that you guys are, but I mean, unless he is, you know, 19, 20, 21, like it's time to fucking grow up. This guy obviously has Peter Pan syndrome and I wouldn't. I wouldn't have put up with this either. I wouldn't have put up with it for as long as you did. I think that, like you said, he's a nice guy and you were just really trying to find the good in him. I think you are maybe more in love with the potential of the relationship than the relationship in and of itself, because I feel like that's what we kind of hold on to and why we hold on to relationships as long as we do because we see where it could go and how happy we could be if they changed and they did this one specific thing.

Speaker 1:

Like I've said it before, you can't change people. People don't want to change, doesn't mind partying and kind of being a fuck up, which doesn't seem like that's the route that you're on. So I would just say, like you guys have already had this huge fight, you might as well just go not go back to that fight, but just reference that fight and say, look, we've already talked about this and you missed an important life event that I went to and that you were supposed to go with me to, and I just don't feel like this is working out and I would just be straight up and just state it like as a fact, because that is a fact, it's not up for debate, that's just the facts of the matter and that that's not what you're looking for at this point in your life, and he should be respectful of that, because you can't stop a person from going out. If they're gonna go out, they're gonna go out. So he doesn't wanna change, neither do you. So let's just part ways and he can do what he wants to in his life and you can move on with yours and do what you wanna do. So I would be very straightforward with him because, like you said, he is a nice guy. It doesn't seem like you should be like worried about having this conversation with him and he said he would change. That's always, you know, famous last words. So I would just kind of cut ties and just let it be. That's my advice. Let me know how that works out if you want to.

Speaker 1:

Um the next one, another anonymous, says I've been single for about two years after my boyfriend cheated on me with a random girl one night. I've had fun being single, but I do get lonely. I recently came back in contact with him and he's been asking for a second chance. He says no one else measures up to me and it was the biggest mistake losing me. What should I do? Okay, I had a hard time, so I picked this one because I'm like all right, she obviously is looking for an answer. I feel like I can't really give a great answer. That's kind of why I do want to do, when I have guests on poll, their opinion and their advice.

Speaker 1:

As far as I know, famous last words again I don't think I've been cheated on, so I don't know what it's like to go through this. I'm sorry that you're going through this Again. If I have been cheated on, keep it to yourself, because I mean at this point I wouldn't give a fuck, but let's just move on. But I don't know it feels. So you obviously broke up after the cheating and I would say that that's kind of hard to come back from. It has been two years, so you obviously have had some time to heal. He's had time to move on and realize what a mistake it was, but at the same time like why did he make the mistake to begin with?

Speaker 1:

I personally would have a hard time trusting him again. But, with that said, if you do decide to get back together with him, that means you are letting go of the cheating. You can't bring it up in fights again. If you guys are willing to move past this and work through it, you've got to just actually do that, move past it and work through it. So it's up to you. If you're able to move on and trust him again because there are going to be nights where he does go out Are you going to trust him to not cheat on you when you go out? I personally wouldn't and that's why, if I was cheated on, I would just straight up cut ties. I do have an easy time doing that, but everyone's different, so that's up to you. I personally probably wouldn't go back with him. And if I mean, if you want to just sleep with him just for, like old time's sakes, cool fun, but I wouldn't seriously get back together with this guy because I think that, in my personal opinion, I think I would just always have that in the back of my mind, where I think they're going to do it again, and then you can never be happy and trust like trusting in the relationship, and if there's no trust in the relationship, then it's just doomed from the start. So that's my personal opinion, but everyone's different. Some people can move on from it, and I mean some people are married and they get cheated on and they stay together and everything works out and it's happily ever after. So don't take my advice too seriously on that. That's just what I would personally do. All right, so that was it for the questions and advice.

Speaker 1:

The next I have three gremlin stories that I picked Again. I still have some sitting in my inbox. These aren't all the ones that are left. If I didn't pick yours, I will get to it. I'm just like I said last week I'm still moving slowly. I think I need like vitamins or I don't know I need. I need something, we'll see. Ok. So the first one she didn't sign it, so we're going to keep her anonymous to protect the innocent. And she says my local dive bar is a couple doors down from Target.

Speaker 1:

After one particular night I woke up in the Target parking lot with my mouth tasting like regret and tequila. I thought I was going out for one drink, but of course I had more and was in no condition to drive. Instead of Ubering home, I decided to move my car to the Target parking lot and just sleep there. I don't know why the Target parking lot and just sleep there. I don't know why. Since I was already technically at the store, I figured I should go inside and buy some hangover essentials I knew I didn't have at my house, such as electrolytes and Tylenol. But as soon as I took a few steps away from my car, I immediately threw up all over the ground. I couldn't muster up the strength to be embarrassed. I just needed to get in and get out. I have no idea if anyone saw me. I just kept my head down and kept going. I threw up a couple more times in the Target restrooms and then proceeded to gather what I needed and head home.

Speaker 1:

I spent the rest of the day curled in bed and wondered if I would be able to go back to that Target or if I should just give up on life. I ended up going back a few days later. Because Target is life, oh my god. Because Target is life, girl, I before Target did all their fucking DEI bullshit. I thought Target was life too. I fucking love a great Target run. I would go there thinking I need I don't know shampoo and I would leave you know $500 later because Target told me what I needed to buy. I fucking love Target too, but I digress Throwing up in a parking lot.

Speaker 1:

When I read that I was like, hmm, have I ever done that? And then I was horrified to remember I had, and it was a story that I kind of like suppressed down, but it was seven, almost seven, I don't know. Six and a half years ago, seven years ago. But it was the first trip that I had taken with my boyfriend and we just did kind of like a three day getaway. I was terrified to go on this weekend trip with him. I was terrified to go on this weekend trip with him. I don't know why, maybe because I cared so much, but I was so nervous to go I almost canceled. We were just I live in Los Angeles we were just going to go down to San Diego. It's like a two and a half hour trip. We were going to go just like, stay at a hotel, go out, and then the main thing was we were going to go to the zoo. It wasn't the San Diego Zoo, it was the San Diego Wildlife Park, so that was like our main goal of the trip. Again, I was so terrified to go. I don't know why, but I go, I'm terrified. The whole ride there I'm, like you know, kind of like shaking and like nervous and like clicking my nails together.

Speaker 1:

We eventually check into the hotel and he asked me oh, what do you want to do tonight? And I'm like I need a drink because your girl needed a drink. So we go out to. I should have asked him before. I don't know if we went to the Gaslamp District or if we went to Old Town one of the two but we go and we find this fun tequila bar. This is back when I used to drink tequila on the regular and we had copious amounts of tequila. I don't remember going back to the hotel. I was obviously a goddamn mess.

Speaker 1:

And I wake up the next morning and this man who has apparently never had a hangover in his life, because God favors him, he's all up and at him and ready to go and he's like all right, you ready to go to the zoo. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm, like you know, fighting for my life, like all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I shower, I get dressed and I'm like all right, I think I'm good, like I'm good to go. I didn't know that driving to the wildlife park was going down a winding road. That's just like twists and turns and twists and turns and I'm not someone who gets car sick easily, but I think I was already on the edge.

Speaker 1:

We finally get to the parking lot and I'm like feeling it. I'm like I don't think this is going to be a good idea. I tell him I don't feel good and he's like okay, as soon as we park the car and get out and you're on stable ground, you're going to feel fine. I was like, okay, yeah, like I believed him. So get out of the car. And I'm like okay, do feel better, we take I don't know like three car lengths of walking. And I was just like, oh, my god. And I ran in between two random cars luckily they were trucks, so they were big and no one could really see me and I just absolutely like threw up my soul and I was horrified. I so embarrassed, not like he hadn't seen me thrown up before because, like I said, we had known each other for like four years prior to dating but I was just like, oh my God, and he was like, are you okay? Like he obviously looked at me, like I was like I don't know on death's door and I was like, yeah, like I do feel better. So I do think I like threw up the last part of any sickness and I felt fine the rest of the day and we got me some crackers, we got me 7-Up, we got me gum because, ew, I had just like thrown up and it was disgusting, but we did have a great time that day. So I have thrown up in a parking lot. Um, I have since not been back to the wildlife park, although nobody else knew. I do feel bad for the people who had to go to their car and hopefully they didn't step in it because ewies, but yeah, anonymous or unsigned, I feel ya. But yeah, also the fact that you were so hungover and you found your way into the Target, I think I might have just like slept there and like in my car, not in the Target, I would just slept there and, you know, waited till I felt a little bit better and then you had to drive home. Ew, yeah, no, terrible, terrible day, but you know, life goes on All right.

Speaker 1:

The next one is from Macy. Macy says this is a story from my youth. For reference, I come from a small Midwestern town where there's nothing to do, and this takes place all the way back in 1995. And this takes place all the way back in 1995. It was June and my friend Lexi and I were at the end of a school year party with most of the graduating class. We were juniors. Of course there was a ton of underage drinking that we were taking part in and everyone was getting rowdy.

Speaker 1:

After many beers, lexi and I decided we wanted to play a prank on her ex-boyfriend, another junior who was at the party, kissing another girl. No, not okay. We decided to gather as many eggs as we could find and egg his prized possession, his car. So we did. We walked straight from the party and absolutely covered his car. We giggled the entire way back to my house and kept laughing about it until we passed out. The next morning we got up like nothing happened because at that age hangovers don't exist, right, and just went about our day enjoying the sunshine. We had no idea that the egg would cook into the paint of the car. Needless to say, he was devastated when he saw his car, but he never figured out who did it. Thank God we didn't have social media and ring cameras or we would have definitely gotten caught. I had so much fun reliving the past and those were definitely my wild times.

Speaker 1:

I have some more stories to write in if you would like. Much love, macy. Okay, first of all, yes, macy, please keep writing in all your crazy stories. If anyone has sent in something that's already been read and you still have more, it's not like a one and done on this, please send them all in Macy. If you want, you can just send me like an essay of all of them and I'll just read them like one by one sporadically. So keep sending those in Macy. I want to hear all about your 1995 adventures.

Speaker 1:

In 95, I was a child. I don't even want to say how old I was because I already feel old. Anyway, I was two, but actually in June of 95 I wasn't even two. So you know, look at me being so young. But I have never egged someone's like house or car or like teepeed somebody's house. I just I wasn't like that in high school and yeah, that's just like not something that, like myself and like my little friend group did Like we weren't, like we weren't partiers, we weren't like drinking a ton or doing this or that, we were like pretty docile and chill. I apparently decided to gremlin out in my early 20s and haven't stopped since. But teenage me was a quiet little mouse, so I've never done that, and not that I would want to today, because I don't want to like ruin someone else's property. I think that's like bad karma. But I do kind of feel like I missed out at one point and I obviously can't do it now, because one terrible.

Speaker 1:

And two like it would be so embarrassing to be arrested for egging someone's property. Like that's a, that's a kid crime, that's a child crime. And the first time I ever get arrested I mean knock on wood, oh God, there's no wood. Hopefully I don't ever get arrested. But like it can't be for something so stupid as egging a person's house or their car. Also, I do know that eggs ruin car paint, so, but I can imagine at age 15, you guys didn't know that. So poor guy, I mean you know what? At the same time he shouldn't have been kissing somebody in front of his ex-girlfriend. So that's that All right.

Speaker 1:

And last gremlin story she says oh, this is from Nicole. She says I accidentally ruined someone's proposal. So my ex-boyfriend and I were day drinking at the boardwalk and while we were walking down to the beach we saw someone set up a ton of flowers with a lit up sign saying will you marry me? I looked at it and looked at him and said, oh my God really. We both laughed because I knew it wasn't for me. This guy would have never thought of ever buying me a ring. But our drunken selves decided we should take selfies with the display. Oh God. Unfortunately, while we were falling over each other to do so, the couple who it was actually set up for came walking up. A few people were shooing us away angrily. As the girl who was about to get proposed to looked confused, we ran away and just kept walking away in embarrassment but laughing simultaneously. I really hope they have a wonderful life together. By the way, my ex was garbage, so maybe that was my karma.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, thanks for listening, nicole. I have no story for this. I've never ruined someone's proposal. I don't think I've ever been around somebody who's gotten engaged. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever witnessed with my eyes a proposal. Yeah, so I don't have any story for this, I just thought it was funny.

Speaker 1:

And you said walking or day drinking at the boardwalk. What boardwalk? Where are you from? Let me know. I'm curious to know. Also, my boyfriend I have re-watching and binging Jersey Shore and then after that, jersey Shore family vacation. So when you said boardwalk and then you sign your name, nicole, I was like, oh my god, it's Snooki. I know it's not Snooki, but still let me know, nicole, where you're from and what boardwalk you are talking about. And if it is the Jersey boardwalk, how coincidental. Alright, guys, so that is it.

Speaker 1:

This was again a kind of a mashup of an episode. Circle back the advice questions, the gremlin stories. Let me know what kind of content you guys are wanting or like what you like the most. Do you want me to read more gremlin stories? Do you want more advice questions Like, should I throw it out there more? Like it doesn't have to be relationship advice questions If you just have like questions about I don't know life decisions or this or that. Again, not a therapist not saying I know anything that I'm talking about and not even that I take my own advice, but sometimes it's just nice to get an outsider's perspective. You can find me and the podcast at emily2gremlinpod, on Instagram and TikTok and then, if you want to submit gremlin stories, if you want advice on anything, if you want to send me a snarky comment like this person who said how would you have gotten more use out of your belly button piercing, if you have anything like that, you can email me at emily to gremlin pod at gmailcom.

Speaker 1:

Also, wherever you're listening, make sure to rate the podcast five stars. I had said last week in last week's episode that I wanted people to rate five stars, obviously because I want a great rating, but because on Apple podcasts I had a one star review that I was like, oh my gosh, somebody hates it. But then I read it and it was from Harvey Butthole Great name and he said I was promoting misandrist commentary, so he gave me one star. And he said I was promoting misandrist commentary, so he gave me one star. I had called him out on last week's episode just as a way to say, hey, rate the podcast five stars so we can get rid of his comment, and he took the review down. So I'm like wait, is he still listening, even though he gave it a one star? What an odd duck. I didn't know what to do with that. So, if you're listening, mr Butthole, sorry you hate this podcast, but also, why are you still listening? It's so odd but cool. Thanks for the engagement.

Speaker 1:

Always happy to get more downloads for each episode. I'm always happy to get more downloads for each episode. So, yeah, if you want to rate this podcast wherever you're listening, whether it be Apple Podcasts, spotify, iheartradio, listen Notes, podcast Index oh my God, I did like a whole post on it. There's so many different ones Make sure to rate it five stars to get those reviews up and get my follows up Again. You can send in your Gremlin stories, advice, questions to emilytogremilypod at gmailcom and make sure to give me a follow on TikTok and Instagram. Emilytogremilypod. And yeah, that's the episode. We're going to do a big cheers with a drink. I again barely drank and, yeah, cheersies Bye.

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Emily Hogan

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