Emily to Gremily

Gremlin Guidance, No Filter

• Emily Hogan

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Ever felt your sanity shrink when a well‑meaning relative moves down the street, or your confidence dip after every chat with a “friend” who treats life like a leaderboard? This solo Gremlin Guidance goes straight at the stuff that steals peace: boundary‑setting with family, quiet red flags in new relationships, slippery mood spirals, and the real‑world skills that make your first place feel like a haven instead of a money pit.

We start with the mother‑in‑law conundrum and get practical about aligning with your partner before you say a word to Mom. You’ll hear how to turn snide comments into clear, kind requests, when to limit access without guilt, and how consistency, not conflict, shifts dynamics. From there, we unpack draining friendships: the one‑upping, the last‑minute “I’m free now” texts, the pessimism that clouds every win. I share a simple audit to test reciprocity, plus ways to either reset the relationship or step back with grace.

Dating talk gets specific with a stealth red flag that reveals itself on date one: conversational imbalance. We dig into curiosity as the engine of connection, the small signals that predict long‑term fit, and why reliability is hotter than grand gestures. Then we look at mental health dips with honesty, offering low‑friction anchors that help when motivation is gone. No toxic positivity here; just tools that work when the fog won’t lift. We close with first‑apartment wisdom: safety habits, a simple budget that actually sticks, meal prep to crush delivery costs, and permission to love your mismatched starter furniture while you build a life.

Come for the relatable stories, stay for the actionable steps you can try today. If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show. Got a gremlin story, a guidance question, or a guest idea? DM us on Instagram or TikTok @emilytogremilypod  or email the pod, EMILYTOGREMILYPOD@GMAIL.COM  - we’re building this with you!

SPEAKER_00:

Hey guys, Emily, Emily to Gremily here with a solo episode. I wanted to welcome everyone back. I really hope you guys loved last week's episode, which was the Halloween episode. We had a lot of fun making it and it was kind of a challenge, but we had a lot of fun. I noticed I got like a really big, huge spike in brand new downloads like from past episodes and that episode. I don't know if it's from that episode, but I'll take it. I'm super excited. So if this is your first time listening, welcome. And if you're a returning listener, welcome back. Um episode drink for this week. I don't have an alcoholic drink. I'm drinking an Alani, and I'll tell you why. Um, number one, I need the energy. Number two, it's delicious. This one is the pink slush one. Normally I would like to drink a Celsius for the energy drink, but I went with Alani this time, and I think I might stick with it. I don't know. Um, Alani, I'll reach out to you. Maybe we can do a sponsorship. I don't know. I'm dreaming over here. But the main reason I don't have an alcoholic drink is because I have been having the absolute worst sciatica pain. Um, I don't know really what to do for it other than like stretches, and I don't know. I woke up yesterday and I must have done something weird. I like tweaked it and it's been hurting all day yesterday. But this morning I woke up and it it woke me up. Like I was like actually in pain. Um, so I did take some medicine for it, and I didn't want to drink alcohol with the medicine because I didn't want to be incapacitated today or possibly feel sick. I don't know. But that's why no alcohol today is just gonna be a sober episode, which might be a good idea because this episode is gonna be entirely dedicated to the Gremlin Guidance. I had told you guys before that I was going to do Gremlin Guidance with my guests, which I still plan on doing. But the two guests I've had on, Michael and Jay, since I said that, we were so wrapped up in our conversation that we never did Gremlin Guidance. And um, the episode I did with Michael, it I only put out like an hour and 20 minutes of it. We filmed for like two hours. So there was so much more that got kind of cut out. Um, and yeah, it's just we just didn't have time for it. So I can't just say I'm gonna, you know, do something and then not do it. And you guys have been sending in some guidance questions. So I'm gonna do my best to answer them myself. I want to remind everyone that I am not a psychologist, not a therapist, I'm not a psychiatrist. I should go to one myself, but I am not, I don't have a doctorate or anything. Any advice that I give is going to be like if you're asking a friend for advice. Don't take it to heart. If I say something that you don't agree with, that's totally fine. This is just my opinion. And also with the guidance, I don't have the entire story of what's going on. Um, some listeners did give some backstory, but I'm working with what I got. I'm gonna do my best to answer this properly and hopefully give some guidance. And if you are having an issue that's kind of similar to this, maybe this could give you a little insight. I'm not sure. But we're gonna do our best. I'm kind of nervous. Um, so yeah, we'll get started. Okay, hold on, let me change my position. Um if you're watching on YouTube, I feel like I'm sitting like a blob. Because sitting like with my leg half up and like kind of tilted is helping me. Um, also, if anyone has some suggestions on what else I can do other than stretching and popping pills, please let me know because I am uh suffering. So, okay, so let's get started. The first one, I love the way she signed it. She signed it offended in Ohio. So if anyone wants to send in some stuff and sign it, kind of like that, makes me feel kind of like Dear Abby. Um, if you don't know who Dear Abby is, it was kind of like if you like wrote into a newspaper for like kind of like this, like, oh, what would Abby do? I feel old trying to describe that. Okay, anyway, so offended in Ohio says, I've been having some issues with my mother-in-law. A small backstory. My husband and I live in Ohio with our two kids, ages seven and four. My in-laws lived in their hometown in Connecticut, but after my father-in-law passed away two years ago, my mother-in-law has moved to the same town we live in to be closer. The relationship I've had with her before has been fine. We got along during vacations to each other and nothing out of the ordinary. Now that she has moved five minutes away from us, I feel smothered. She always has something to say about everything. And everything is in all capital letters. Now that my youngest is in preschool, I have time to go to the gym, which she says makes me, quote, shallow and vain. When I meal prep for the family, she makes snide comments about my husband and her grandchildren having to eat leftovers the next day. I'm at my wit's end. How would you handle this situation? Signed, offended in Ohio. Okay. So I'm gonna preface this by saying I don't have any personal experience with this. Um I've gotten along with any past boyfriends, mothers, like nothing, you know, bad. Like we got along. Um, I was close to one of them, and the other one I never really met because she lived far away. Um, though my boyfriend's mom, who I do consider to be my mother-in-law, her and I have a great relationship. She's the sweetest woman. So any suggestions and guidance I give off of this is not a personal take. It's just what I would tell my friend if she came to me and was like telling me the story. Um, I kind of think maybe if you if you haven't, you need to like talk to your husband about this because this is his mom. You don't want to offend her, um, but also she kind of needs to know her place in a way. It she maybe she doesn't realize she's coming off rude. Um and if she is, then she's obviously doing it, you know, on purpose to be, you know, backhanded and make you feel some type of way. Um, or maybe she just doesn't realize what that she's doing it. I don't know. This kind of reminds me honestly of like have if anyone's seen that show, Everybody Loves Raymond. Um, it's a show about um a husband and wife and their three kids, and across the street they live from his parents, and they're insane. Um, so I would get your husband involved in this and let him know like what's been said, how it makes you feel, and maybe he can help remedy the situation. Maybe this is just her personality, you know. Um, it's not a good personality trait, but maybe he'll just be like, oh yeah, that's mom. But still, I do think you should say something to your husband. And if he's unable to help you, that's a separate issue. But I would say, like, maybe have a conversation with your mother-in-law and say, Hey, look, you know, like the way like this is how you make me feel. Um, if you could please stop. I don't know. I guess I I feel like you just need to communicate. And if she has something mean to say about that, then maybe she needs to be held at a distance, you know. Um, I don't know. My advice, I feel like, is kind of uh, but that's what I would say is just like communicate with your husband and then say something, have him say something to her, or you say something to her and just see how it goes from there. If you do that, email me back and let me know exactly what happens. Also, to anyone, any of the guidances that I've picked today, I did email you back and say I was gonna be using it on episode 27, which is this episode. Check your email. Um, so yeah, email me back and let me know how that goes. Um yeah, I just I guess communication is the is the my advice to just say something. I don't know if it's good advice, but I don't know. I guess let's move on. Sorry, offended in Ohio. Okay, next one is Anonymous. Anonymous says, Lately I've been realizing that one of my friends might not actually be a good friend at all. She constantly makes me feel small, turns everything into a competition, and only seems to show up when it benefits her or she has nothing else going on. I've tried to brush it off, but it's starting to wear me down and make me question the friendship altogether. How do I deal with a friend who makes me feel worse instead of better? Signed Anonymous. Okay. Um I have had to cut off several friends because the way I feel is that my time is precious, and I'm not gonna put time and effort into a relationship that isn't serving me in a positive way, which I don't want that to sound selfish, but I mean, you have to be selfish with yourself and your own time when you're it's not being reciprocated. If she's showing up for you only if she has nothing better to do, that's not a friend. That's just somebody who is trying to fill her her social calendar. Um, and she turned makes me feel small and turns everything into a competition. There's nothing worse than having someone in your life who's like a one-upper, who they always have to have, oh, theirs is bigger and better, or what they're going through is so is so much worse than yours, or oh my God, you wouldn't understand this because you've never had to deal with it. That's not a friend. That's just someone who that's like a friend of me almost. It's like the competition is annoying. And I have had a friend in the past who always had to say something, or you know, even like when I had accomplishments in my life and I was excited about it, if I told her she was an extreme pessimist. And for a long time it always bothered me, and I did say eventually say something to her about it, and nothing ever changed. And it's like, why am I gonna put time and effort into a relationship that she's the only effort she's putting into is negativity? And so I would just say again, I guess I'm gonna say communication is important. If you haven't said anything to her, maybe you should say something to her. Again, maybe she's not realizing that she's like this, but I'm sure she like I feel it's like people who have like miserable lives want to make others feel as miserable as they do. It's tail is all the time, misery loves company. And these people usually don't change. Um, so I would just honestly kind of say something to her or just straight up distance myself. There's like there's that saying, I'm probably gonna get it wrong, where it's like, you know, stop watering the plants and see how many grow, or something like that, where it's just like if you don't reach out to her, is she ever gonna reach out to you? Kind of thing. And you know, if you if you're not reaching out to her and she's never saying anything to you, then she's just an acquaintance at that point. So I understand the frustration and the annoyance of having to deal with someone like that. I mean, even like with starting this podcast, there were some people who I didn't tell them until, you know, I announced it because I didn't want them to like rain on my parade. And uh, you know, that sucks. You should want to share your accomplishments. And the people I did share it with were super excited and were, you know, wanting to, you know, come on the podcast and support me and you know, just like be involved and be encouraging. But there's others who will always be the rain cloud in the group, and you're just like, oh God, like I really don't want to hear the negative comments that are gonna be said. So, you know, your time is precious, it's your most valuable asset. So I would just kind of distance myself because there's nothing worse than having someone in your life who makes you feel less than, you know, like you said, she makes you feel small. Why would you want someone around you who makes you feel small? Um, so yeah, I would just distance myself because and I'm sure you're not the only one she's doing this to. I'm sure everyone, if everyone's probably thinking it, no one's just saying it to each other. That's usually the way it goes, unfortunately. Um, and yeah, just focus on the friendships that are, you know, beneficial to you, that make you feel good, that you know you uh you end the conversation feeling good or excited or better about yourself. Those are the friendships you should focus on and the relationships you should, you know, tend to. The other ones, you don't need it. Okie dokie, the next one. Hopefully that's good advice. I I don't know. Again, I'm I'm trying. Okay. The next one is Cecilia. Cecilia asks, what are your personal relationship red flags? I've been consciously single for about three years now, just focusing on myself and finishing grad school and finding a job after graduation. Now that I'm situated, I've decided I want to start seeing what is out there, but I have no idea what I should be looking for. Signed Cecilia. Okay. Well, first of all, congratulations on finishing grad school and finding a job. That's a huge accomplishment. So you should give yourself a pat on the back for that. And my personal relationship red flags, I could say, you know, lying, cheating, that all that, but that's a little broad. And I feel like that should be like everyone's relationship red flags. Um, a little something a little more not personal, but a little more niche would be um if you're having a conversation with someone and all they do is talk about themselves and they don't ask you questions about yourself or try to get to know you, it's just almost shallow. That's a red flag for me. Um if I'm like having a conversation with one and someone and they have nothing to say, like they have to ask me, or they only talk about themselves. It's like, of course, I want to get to know you, but you don't want to get to know me. Like it should be a 50-50 conversation kind of thing. Um, even like now in my current relationship, we've been together for seven years. Seven, six, eight, seven. I think it's seven. Okay. I don't know. Um, I can't do math. Okay, we've been together for some time. And, you know, we still ask each other about like our day, you know, oh, how because we, you know, don't spend the days together. Ask each other how was work? How was this? You know, you ask each other about your day, and then, you know, I'm I still ask him questions about himself. Like if I see something on TV that, you know, it was a funny question that, you know, a husband asked a wife or vice versa. I'm like, well, what would you do in that situation? It's just, you know, like you should always still want to get to know the person that you're with. So I feel I think the theme of this episode might be just like communication, because communication is key. You have to, you know, you don't want it to be boring either. You want to like go back and forth and have banter and do this and do that. You know, I'm a talker. If I'm comfortable with someone, I yap consistently. Um, so yeah, I would say that's like a personal relationship red flag, as if, you know, shallow, only talking about themselves. Like I I want to get to know someone, but I want someone to care about getting to know me. So I think I'm gonna stick with that. Anything else? Um, I can't really think of anything else. I again, it's just like the, you know, the basics. You know, you want someone who treats you right, um, someone who treats others right. You know, if you're at a restaurant, do they treat the waiter, you know, nicely? Do they tip is a really good big one. Um, but yeah, just like I guess you said personal, so I'm gonna stick with that one. Okay. And Cecilia, I hope you write me back and let me know what happens. Um, I haven't been like in the dating game in a long time, but you know, I have friends that are dating and, you know, looking and, you know, hooking up with this person or breaking up with that person. And, you know, every it's easy to see some red flags, but yeah, I guess that would be like my personal one, like right off the bat. Okay, the next one is anonymous, and I did want to add a trigger warning. Trigger warning about mental health and depression. Um, just in case that's sensitive for people. Um, anonymous asks, What do you do when you feel your mental health is slipping? I fall into these depressions that feel like I'm drowning, but I have no will to pull myself out of it. Do you ever feel that way? And if so, how do you come out the other side? Signed Anonymous. Okay. This one I picked for a very personal reason. I feel like I I get like this as well. And she the way she described it was pretty spot on. Like you feel like you're just like falling into this hole, but you don't know what to do. You know, there's uh there's always those people that say, you know, if I'm feeling a certain way, they're like, oh, we'll go outside and take a walk. And I'm like, well, I don't even want to like get up out of bed. So I don't, I'm definitely not gonna go outside and stare at the sun. Um, it's so much easier said than done. I don't know, like I there's nothing I specifically do. Um, working on this podcast does help me. So I guess finding a job or a hobby or, you know, just something you can kind of look forward to. Even the parts of this podcast that I can't stand, which is the editing, um, at least it's so it's something for me to focus on and do. And, you know, I hate doing it, but I'm always excited to do it because, you know, coming out with the finished product always, you know, gives me a sense of joy and accomplishment. So I would say finding something that you can just find like little parts of joy in. Um, me personally, it I get stuck in bed sometimes. And there's really, I mean, I have noticed it maybe kind of ebbs and flows with, you know, my menstrual cycle and where I'm at, whether, you know, I'm in the beginning or the end or this or that. Um, I I think it's my hormones that really honestly fuck me up. But there are some days where I'm just stuck almost. And that's it's hard to describe, and I feel like I'm not really getting my point across very well here. But you just feel like you have no energy to even get up and get out of bed. You know, I have my cats, so that forces me to at least get up and feed them. Um, another thing I it's again, this is personal for me. I love to cook and clean, which sounds kind of weird, but I when my house is like kind of a mess, which it's never messy, it's just not tidy, I guess. Um it bothers me. So getting up and you know, cleaning the house and you know, doing the laundry, and I hate dusting, but I'll dust if I need to. Um, but yeah, just like cleaning the house and meal prepping for the week. Um, just like little things like that really helped me kind of like get up, get out of my head, and you know, it's not that I'm having like dark thoughts. It's just like almost I'm having no thoughts. I have just like nothing in my tank. Like it's empty for no reason. So I guess just finding the little joys in life, whether whatever your hobby might be. Um, if you love to go out and take walks, then I would say do that because it's great to be in the sun and the vitamin D. Just for me personally, sometimes I don't even want to go outside, which is a terrible statement, but unfortunately, it's true. Sometimes I just want to be a vampire and bed rot and do absolutely nothing. And it's not even that I want to, it's just that I'm stuck in that mood to do so. Um I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I who knows? I don't know. Don't diagnose me on here, guys. Um, other than that gremlin test that we took. Um, I already found out I'm a narcissist, so I don't really need any more diagnoses, but um yeah, I I don't really have like a a great answer for this. It's just I guess finding little joys. And if you need to take a mental health break, then do so. Sometimes you just need to like have your body reset and then just always know that like what you're feeling, it's going to, it's going to get better. You know, you at that moment you feel like even like I have nothing going wrong in my life, but everything's, you know, great, and I'm in a great relationship and I, you know, love my life, but there's some days I'm like sad for no reason. And it's it's weird, but you just have to realize that, you know, there's there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Um, and yeah, and if you are able to talk to a therapist or see someone about that, I would definitely do that. Um, I'm really I'm that person who likes to diagnose myself. Like I can always tell exactly what's wrong. I think mine is very much a hormonal thing. Um, I can probably pinpoint where in my cycle of the month where I'm gonna start to really dip. And when that happens, I'm able to be like, okay, like it's I know it's my hormones, I know it's what's happening within my body. So that's kind of how I'm able to justify it for myself. Um, but if you're able to go talk to someone, I I think therapy is an amazing tool. Um, so I would definitely do that. And yeah, just find the little joys. So hopefully that helps, and hopefully you're feeling better. And just know that you are not alone. Almost everyone I am friends with and talk to, they have these moments. Like you feel like you're alone, but you're not. Literally, everyone, almost everyone knows what you're going through and what's going on and how you feel. It's just in that moment you feel alone, but you're definitely not alone at all. We all know what it's like, unfortunately. Okay, and lastly, we're gonna end on a happy note because we can't end on sadness. The last one is from Brianne. Brianne says, I am 20 years old and finally moving into my very first apartment all by myself. Any tips? All right, well, congratulations, Brianne. Um, let's see, I moved out when I was uh 19, I think. Um, I moved in with a boyfriend who is no longer in my life. But um I would just say that it's a young age to move out. Not that I think you should stay home, but you need to just be a little like mindful. Um, obviously, safety is number one. So, you know, get to know your neighbors or your area. And I would say the biggest thing is budgeting, don't spend crazy amounts of money, you know, going out or going out to eat. I would say get um familiar with cooking for yourself if you're not used to like cooking any like to begin with, and ask like friends or family and see if they have some recipes that you can take. And that way you can what I always do every single week is I meal prep. Um I do a big Costco, not a big Costco trip, but a Costco trip. I make, I love my lists, some very type A. I make my lists of what I wanna, what meals I'm gonna make that week, what I already have in my fridge or pantry and what I need. And then I go and get that. It's so much cheaper than you know, go Uber Eats or Postmates or going out. Budgeting is a big one because you don't want to come to the end of the month and be short on rent or not be able to pay the power bill. Um, I don't know if your utilities are included or where you live, what state, what city, what country you didn't say. So um, yeah, you know, here in I live in Southern California in Los Angeles, everything's so expensive. So yeah, budgeting is a big one. Um, yeah, just like be smart. And, you know, I I don't know about furniture, but you know, don't get anything too expensive. Get furniture that's gonna last you if you can get some hammy-downs. My first place, it was nothing but ham-me-down furniture in my place because I didn't really have any money, and neither the guy I moved in with didn't really have any money either. Um, so yeah, it was just a bunch of hand-me-down furniture. It was just kind of like a mishmash, if that's a sentence. I don't even think that's a sentence, but I like it. It was a mishmash of just stuff, nothing matched, it was just all there. I don't know. It's funny to look back on it. Um, but yeah, just have fun with it. And you know, it's your first apartment. You can decorate however you want and have people over, but you know, just always be smart. But yeah, I'm very excited for you. If you want to write back in, I emailed you, like I said, um, if you want to write back in and let me know where you you live and like what city you live in and how it's going. You sent this email, I believe, when I I read it, and I think it was like two weeks ago that you had sent it. So let me know. I'm very excited for you. But yeah, just budgeting is your best friend and safety is number one. Number one, you gotta be safe. Again, lots of creepos out there. So, Brianne, let me know how that goes. And that is it. That's the episode. Um, let's see. TikTok. I updated the damn TikTok. It took me about two hours to do it because I had to import all of the clips from my computer. It was just a whole thing. Anyway, it was my fault. I'm the one who wasn't, I was updating my Instagram and I wasn't doing TikTok at the same time. I don't know why. Because I apparently procrastinate and I need to work on that. TikTok is now updated. You can follow myself and the podcast on Instagram and TikTok, Emily to GrammilyPod. You can also watch all these episodes on YouTube. Same thing as the socials, Emily to Grammarly Pod on YouTube. Those are updated as well. I've said it before. I think there's only like two or three episodes that are not on YouTube. And that was for various reasons. We won't get into that, but almost all the episodes are there. Or you can listen to this. You can, oh my god, there's so many places you can listen to. Um, let's see. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Castro, Listen Notes. Um there is a video on my Instagram and TikTok. I believe it's on TikTok as well, where it lists every single place you can listen to this podcast. If you're watching it, also listen to it. I need the downloads. The more downloads I get, the more chances I get to get brand deal. And sponsorships and get signed to a network, and that is the ultimate goal. And if you have your own Gremlin story, um, you have a piece of juicy gremlin gossip, or if you need Gremlin guidance. Hopefully, I did good today. You can email the podcast Emily to Gremlinlypod at gmail.com. Make sure to put in the subject line exactly what it is, and make sure to let me know if you would like to remain anonymous or you could sign your name. Just let me know. That way I don't out anybody. If you don't sign it, I assume it's anonymous. And yeah, make sure to like, follow, share, subscribe, rate five stars, do all the things. Also, I'm gonna do a call to action right now. If you have any ideas or suggestions about guests that you want to see on the podcast, please email me, DM me on uh Instagram or TikTok. Let me know if there's anyone you want to see, or if you yourself want to be on this podcast, email me. I'm always looking for brand new guests. I have um a couple people lined up, um, but I'm always looking for fresh new faces. I, of course, love my recurring guests, but I would love to expand this and grow the family and have my guest count go up. And yeah, if you have any ideas or suggestions, um, I did get a suggestion to have an astrologer come on. So anything like that, an astrologer, a therapist, um, a sex therapist, I think that would be a lot of fun. Um, anything like that, give me an email, give me a DM, let me know who you're interested in, what you're looking for, or if you yourself want to be a guest on the podcast, please reach out, email me, and I am gonna be reaching out to several people, not several, many people. I'm gonna be reaching out to lots of people to just try to grow this thing. And that is the podcast. All right, I'm gonna cheers with my Alani, pray for me and my back pain. Cheers to you, cheers to me, and cheers to growing this podcast. I'm very excited for the future, and I really hope my guidance was okay. Okay, cheersies, bye.

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Emily Hogan

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